September 27, 2011
How do I taste
Sometimes I can't decide how censored I should be here. Sometimes there are things I really want to get off my chest, things that involve my sex life, and I start to ask myself if these are things I should write in a private journal. Of course, I don't have a private journal and have never been very good at keeping one under my pillow. I always buy them and then they just sit there unopened for all eternity. So maybe I should just get over my shyness and go ahead and say what I need to say. I feel irritable and perhaps letting it all will help me mellow down a bit. So, if you aren't interested in hearing small details about my sex life, feel free to skip this entry. Here it goes.
Last night TJ invited me over to watch the game. The Redskins (our team) were playing the Cowboys (his brother's team) so we all go together to watch it. It was close the whole time but we were primarily in the lead. Then at the very end they got the extra goal and we lost. Poor TJ. I've never seen someone so upset. I don't mean mad upset. I mean disheartened and a little bit on the whiney side upset. It was actually kind of adorable. We walked home from his brothers house and the whole time he was mumbling how he didn't understand what happened. I wasn't too worried about it. Of all the teams to lose to, it suck that it was the Cowboys, but it was our first loss of the season and we've been pretty much on fire. I still stand behind my team.
It was decently late when we got home so we started getting ready for bed. We'd both been drinking liquor the whole game and drinking puts me in a frisky mood so I was playing around with him a little bit. But he was so moody he was ignoring my advances. So I got into bed to wait while he took a shower. When he climbe in with me, he snuggled against me and I think he just wanted some down right comfort because he laid on top of me and took my arms and wrapped them around him. So that's what I did. I rubbed he back and dug my fingers into his hair and we talked about the game and it was utterly cute. I've never seen someone hold on so tight over one little game...in the beginning of the season! But I thoroughly enjoyed the cuddling part. It was nice. I love his touch and I love it all the more when he starts the cuddling and not me since I'm more of a cuddler than he is.
Anyway, after awhile I decided to give it a go messing with him again. But in his depressed state he said he was too tired. Fine. Whatever. I rolled back to my side half frustrated and half sleepy myself. It didn't bother me all that much. But whenever I roll over TJ has this need to start holding me. It's this game we play of who will give in first to foreplay. But I was determined not to respond to his touch so when his fingers started doing what they do, I remained quiet, which absolutely flabbergasted the poor guy. It was funny actually because somehow he ended up falling off the bunk and I rolled over to the other side of the bed. It was killing me not to burst out laughing. He's such a goofball when he's drunk. Well, he generally a goofball, but it's all the more enjoyable when it's just the two of us in bed together.
So he was on the floor laughing at himself and asking me why I wasn't doing anything and I was on the bed facing away from him biting my lip so I wouldn't giggle. Then he decided to change his tactics. He jumped up onto the bed in this roll type thing and stuffed his head between my legs. Now diary, the only time TJ has every bother to go down on me was our very first date and even then he was only playing around through my underwear. This time, however, he meant business and ladies...it was good! Fantastic! I was like pudding, jello, whatever you want to call it. But then he stops and looks up at me and asks me if I'm on my period because apparently I tasted funny. Well, I wasn't on my period and suddenly I became very self-conscious about how I taste. I mean, no one else has ever complained before. So I took the liberty to taste myself...as weird as that might sound. Why not? I've tasted myself indriectly though him anyway. And I must say that I taste a lot better than he does. I was actually quite surprised. Then I pointed out this difference to him and he said maybe it's becaus eI had hot wings for dinner.
Okay. Whatever. I'm not really all that frustrated about all this and yet I can't get it out of my mind. I guess I'm a little irked that I go down on him all the time like a champion even though I don't find his flavor all that appealing and he can't even mess with me for more than 10 seconds. And then he has the nerve to tell me that he's gone down on me multiple times. Now that was laugh worhty. But it's all good. He made up for it after we discussed how people taste, lol. It was probably one of my really good nights with TJ, but it was a strange one to be sure.
I keep thinking about how when I move away to grad school I probably won't ever see him again. This saddens me greatly. I wish it didn't. Moving away means I could move on and be with someone that's better suited for me, but the idea that I may never see TJ again really hurts. Even with all the frustrations I experience with him. It's so crazy. I'd rather not think about it, but it keeps popping into my head.
I really do enjoy his company.
scullerymaid at 3:08 p.m.