January 30, 2011
Mixed signals
I hate dating, I really do. It's just frustrating and confusing and gives me all these feelings I don't want.
Please get out of my head. Just leave. Go and be off with you. Because you're sending me all kinds of mixed signals and I really don't appreciated it. It's starting to open up all my insecurities and that is a very bad thing. I definitely don't feel like going there. So if you like me, that's great. It is, I promise. Because I like you. I didn't want to like you. Hell, when we first met I was fast as quickfire to leave you behind. But then somehow you drew me in. I took a breather and realized that you did bring out those kinds of feelings in me and I was fighting them. And now they're here and I hate them because I can't figure you out.
If you don't like me, that's fine. I can deal with that. There are plenty of other people to date and go through this process again with, but I would rather keep seeing you. But if you don't like me, just stop right now. Tell me before I really develop feelings. If you don't want to go to dinner, let me know. If you don't want to hang out, say so. Don't leave me hanging.
I understand you're busy, but I'm busy too. Yet somehow I'm able to communicate with you. Fuck apology messages later. If you're too busy to do something tell me right then and there so that I don't get my hopes up.
Maybe I should have just let you be a hook up and left it at that. Because I can't handle this back and forth shit. I don't want you to cuddle with me and kiss me and hold me in the morning just to stand me up for dinner at night. Just be straightforward. I'm not into guessing games.
I know I'm inexperienced and chubby. If that's the problem, well then, don't lead me on.
I hate that you gave me this smile. I was perfectly fine without any men in my life. This is so ridiculous. Yesterday morning I was returned home in a state of bliss. I was on cloud 9 and nothing was going to bring me down. Then you forget about dinner and don't respond to my calls and this morning I feel rejected. I'm a mess.
And I can't decide what to do because I want to be angry...but at the same time I do know how busy you are and if you're anything like Popeguy, you would lose your head if it wasn't attached to your neck you're so forgetful. So where does that leave me right now? Should I still be on cloud 9 and stop over analyzing everything. Or do I need to get out before I'm left lovedrunk. I have no desire to be lovedrunk. I don't want a repeat of Peace. My carefully mended and consequently guarded heart can't handle that again.
I forgot to play the seductive game. This time I just wanted to dive in. Maybe that was a bad idea on my part...
scullerymaid at 8:35 a.m.