August 31, 2010
What do you fear?
I hate it when people assume I'm mexican or are even bold enough to call me so outright. There isn't a drop of Latina blood in my veins and I don't appreciate people automatically thinking I have such heritage. Not that I have anything against having such heritage. It's just, I learned to speak Spanish through hard work and years of exposure in school. It's been a slow process and I'm still not necessarily fluent. Spanish is not my mother tongue, so please stop automatically assuming it is just because i spout a few words here and there.
You want to know the weird thing? Some people think I'm Filipino or Hawaiian and for the most part I just brush it off. Strange reasoning, huh? We'll sort through that psychology later.
I've been thinking about marriage a lot recently for two reasons. One is that my roommates keep talking about marriage. Probably because three of them have serious boyfriends and have had them for a decent amount of time. The likely hood of everyone getting married is pretty high, though I'm not saying it's going to for sure happen. But still there's talk which leads to ponderment. I want to get married, too. I'm ready to settle down. Maybe not tomorrow exactly, but perhaps the day after tomorrow. I want to have a serious boyfriend. I want a serious relationship. I want someone to leane on, someone to love, someone to support and be supported by. I've waited a long time. I didn't go through boys in high school and I've barely had boy contact in college aside from this summer. Before, I wasn't ready and accepted that fact. But now, I am ready. I'm ready. And my patience is running low. But what exactly can I do with my patience? Nothing but wait it out. Ironic...?
The second reason I've been thinking about marriage? My Anthropology class. Today we talked about fears. And my greatest fear is not getting married. I'm very family oriented. I believe family is family (and that doesn't always mean through blood, though blood of my blood is important. I want a husband. I want children. I want to create my own nuclear family and add it on to the rest of the big picture. I want descendants, you know? More than anything, I want to settle down. My soul has always been restless and I believe marriage is what I need to settle it. Marriage would be a challenge, no doubt, but it would also be blissful if I marry the right man.
And maybe this sounds creepy, but last year when I lived with Mandy, the two of us planned out our weddings one night when pulling an all-nighter. So I'm set. I just need a groom. One that I want and that wants me and that will stay and that I'll stay with. Where is he? How long before I find him? I don't want to wait til I'm thirty
scullerymaid at 4:14 p.m.