March 30, 2010
The waves wash over me
As much as I say I don't miss Popeguy, there's a part of me that yearns for him. For the most part, I push him out of my mind. I distract myself, change my plans, and simply don't think about him. If I don't think about him, I can't miss him. And in my anger and disappointment, I don't want to miss him anyway. But he always seems to find me at night, right as I'm drifting off to sleep. And in that inbetween state where I'm not entirely conscious of my thoughts, he slips in, reminding me of who we are supposed to be together and reminding me that somehow we lost our way. And after those nights, I always awake the next morning with tears in my eyes.
Sometimes I feel like I'm wading through water. And I can see the shore, yet the closer I get to it, the deeper the water becomes and my dress tries to way me down. So what do I do? Keep going, praying that I can swim long enough to make it. Or go back to the sea, separated from those I love. Neither option is easy.
I actually talked to him today for the first time in almost a month. As usual, I had to break the silence. I had to say my peace. But that's okay. I don't mind all that much. As long as he can understand my point of view, I'm content.
scullerymaid at 8:45 p.m.