July 25, 2009
Oh if I could fly into the sky
Popeguy has started a blog and this is one of the things he wrote in his lastest entry:
The ongoing relationship with my best friend is crazy or moreso the coined phrase is: deteriorating, but it keeps me going. It gives me something to work toward. We shall refer to her as Naomi. It's so hard to think about losing your best-friend at this age
This bit of freewriting...this touched me. It touched me so much I decided to forget about the birthday thing. Yes, it still upsets me. Yes, I hate that he will probably always put his boyfriend before me, no matter how long or deep of a friendship we have. And yes, I'm disappointed that he couldn't say yes this once since it is a milestone birthday and I was looking forward to doing something great. But reading this. Reading how he feels and that he shares it with the world, especially since it involves me, clicked something inside of me where I willed myself not to be angry anymore. I pushed it aside. Because Popeguy is my best friend. He's the only best freind I ever want to have. He means more to me than anything, and I never want to lose our friendship. I don't want it to deteriorate.
I don't know. Reading his words made me very sad. Sad that he would even have to write it. Sad that I've written it before. Whatever has happened to us and is happening needs to stop. We are two of a kind. Boyfreinds are going to come and go. And they might stay. And as best friends, sometimes it seems like boyfriends should be put on hold for certain things, even if a birthday happens to fall on New Years, which apparently is an important holiday for couples. But that's not how the world works. And as best friends, we should understand that and not get upset. Even though it upsets us, we should be understanding and compromise.
My love for him is greater than the sun, greater than the moon, greater than the sky and the stars. And my love for him is not going to change even if I prayed for it to. So I simply need to...get voer it. Let go. Make the sacrafice that noone else thinks is a sacrafice and just- how should it be put?- enjoy the time that we do spend together. Enjoy the moments we do share. Even if that sounds cheesy.
scullerymaid at 9:47 p.m.