July 25, 2009
Time Squared
Birthdays are stupid, especially mine. At least now I think so anyway.
I was so excited. Last night I was talking to Popeguy about how the Twins and I wanted to share our 21st birthday since we were born only four days apart. The only problem is we didn't know what to do. So I asked him and he came up with the brilliant plan of seeing the ball drop for New Years. What?! AMAZING! My birthday is the 30th of December and that sounded like such a fun idea. I dialed the Twins up immediately to tell them. And I've already started making plans. Hotels. Broadway. Ball dropping. What a way to turn 21, eh?
Well, Popeguy forgot a tiny detail. His boyfriend. So today he comes up to me and tells me that he will be spending the holiday with BF. Okay. I understand the imprtance of having a boyfriend. I understand the importance of spending certain holidays together. But I can't help that my birthday happens to fall when it falls. Why did he even come up with the idea because I'm so crushed now. It would have been perfect. Me, Popeguy, and the Twins exploring winter New York.
I refuse to yiel and say that the BF can come. If he's going, I'm not. You know, it's my birthday. Why would I want someone I despise at my birthday?
Now he wants to make some sort of compromise where he's there for my birthday but now for New Years. Which would have been fine if he didn't get me all excited for the New York. But whatever. Apparently when I get a boyfriend I'm going to do the same thing because it changes you.
I've always held friendship above that kind of stuff. Not that I've ever had a boyfriend, but they seem to come and go. I know this is bad, but they are kinda just there. Not to say they are objects, but whatever. I don't know. But the boyfriend is always chosen above me. So fine. I guess I should change. Good bye friendship. Or at least, why should I hold my friendships so high. Friends come and go too, don't they. People come and go, no matter the relationship. Family, friends, lovers. It all means nothing.
So I'll just go get a boyfriend and be busy all the time too. Ha! Like that would happen though. I'm pretty sure a man has never glanced in my direction. Okay, well that's not true. A couple have shown interest, but nobody that I wanted. Besides Peace, but I'm glad that didn't happen. What a disaster that would have been. Why don't guys look my way though? Sure, I'm quiet. That's a problem because I never have anything to say to guys. I'm not a natual flirt. I'm also a little bigger, but Snortgiggles is alot bigger than me and she gets guys. And I'm losing a lot of weight. So that can't be the issue. So what is it? I see all these couples. All sorts of people. Weird people, creepy people, preppy people, unattractive and attractive people alike. Everyone has boyfriends.
Why don't I? What's the secret? What exactly is it that I'm missing here? There was a class, wasn't there. A class I missed. I'm turning 21 and a boy has never wanted to date me. What is wrong with this picture?
I just want one. I want to see what it's like. Would it really change me? Would shuffle my friends to the side as well? Would I need to spend every breathing second with that person?
I think not, but I'm probably wrong. If everyone else does,so would I.
So how do I get one? Where do I find one? I'm tired of always being second. For once, I want someone to want me. For once, I want to be the one that someone drops everything for.
Where is my love? Why can't I find it? I'm not even ugly for crying out loud! I have nice features. Mildly attractive. Semi-hot when I take the time to put on makeup. And Ihave killer legs. And after you get past the quiet part, I'm pretyt charming I'd like to think, in my own weird way. I can make people laugh if I want to, and I'm loving. So why am I alone?
Stupid birthdays. I think I'd rather just spend it alone. it's just another year to add to the clock.
scullerymaid at 3:32 p.m.