July 07, 2008
Having it out on aim
Dear Popeguy (And yes, I'm writing to you in my imagination again),
I hate you! You make my bloo boil. The thought of you coming near me puts knots in my stomach. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want anything that involves you. And I' not entirely sure why, but whatever.
There are things you do that bother me. If you asked me to name them, I couldn't, but they are there. I think I constantly bite my tongue or turn my face from you. I don't know. I'm open with you in so many ways, about so mnay things. But whenever I try to talk to you about you, I freeze up. Even sitting here writing, I can't properly convey my feelings and it's very frustrating for me.
I hate how you think you know how I'll react to everything. Are you not the one who tells me not to make assumptions? And yet here you are making them yoursef. I hate how you can out argue me because it seems like you're always right and I'm not. It drives me crazy. Maybe you don't think so. Maybe you think you have this uncaring attitude (which you do), but there are many things where your thoughts rule supreme. And stop asking me for examples. Don't constanly ask for a reason. Sometimes a reason can't be given.
I find it comepletely ridiculous that you jumpon every opportunity for a relationship. I really do. Why is it necessary? I understand testing the waters. I do, but testing every puddle you come across is stupid and one day it is going to bite you. Don't ask me if I think you're being whorish. You obviously are. Yeah, maybe there has only been four guys. But that's four guys in one year. How long before you've tried every single one in the gay community here? I'm just tired of it. Yeah, part of it is because I like it when it's just the two of us. When we're two peas in a pod. But that's not the only reason. I'm beginning to think you have a problem...
I just really hate you right now. I can't explain it fully, but the only thing I know how to do is remove myself from the situation. I used to be able to hide my feelings. I was good at it too. I don't know what happened, but I've become much more passionate when it comes to my feelings. If only I knew how to utilize that passion.
I really wish I could talk to you because you're my person. But you are so frustrating!!!!!
scullerymaid at 10:19 p.m.