February 03, 2008
Coward
I don't know what to do about Peace. He keeps saying that we can be so close, closer than anyone else. But no. He cannot love me and date her. If he thinks that I'm out of his grasp, than I will be out of his grasp. God, I wish he would just get out of that mindset.
But whatever. It's just, if I pull away, it's going to hurt him. But maybe that's what he needs. A slap in the face. But the others don't understand him the way I do. But they are right. I'm not going to be his toy, even if he doesn't realize it.
But it's going to be so hard talking to him. He actually called yesterday, and I know I wasn't making it easy for him. I could hear it in his voice. He was just so stressed about what to do because he has these feelings.
But how does he even know he feels that way? What makes him think I'm the right one? And what's the point of thinking that if you think you can't do anything about it? He's such a coward! I understand that he just started dating Mondo, and that they won't last so he wants to end on good terms, but I don't know if I'm willing to wait for him...
I just don't know what I want to do yet. I don't want to just cut him off, but how can we go back to being normal friends? Maybe I'll still talk to him, but I'll be more distant. And I'm not going to talk about him to the girls anymore. Maybe to Popeguy, but only sometimes. Obviously I'm going to have to take charge because he refuses to.
But even in that I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He can't just dump Mondo for a relationship that may not even be real. And she's so nice. We're just in limbo. I wish he'd never started talking to me. That he never revealed his feelings because then this crush would've just disappeared. But at the same time, it's wonderful. To have someone that loves me.
But no, it's going to stop one way or another. I will resolve this!
scullerymaid at 3:00 p.m.