January 28, 2008
Giving up the battle
I'm going to be twitching all day. I can feel it. Today we're supposed to go to Panera for dinner, and I'm already making plans to shoot to my room after class and grab my laptop so that I'll be on AIM when he gets on.
This is so crazy. I've never felt this strongly before. And I don't understand it. How can it just appear like this? There's a part of me that's still in denial because it's happening so fast. And I keep reading what he writes me, making sure I read it correctly, only to burst out into tears because I can't believe he actually said all those things. And about me! He wasn't talking about some other girl, seeking advice from me on what to do. He was talking to me about me. All those feelings are directed towards me and he's mine to keep.
I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. All this time that this "thing" has been happening, I've been trying to hide my heart away and not give it to him. To keep it for myself. But how can I? I can't pretend anymore. And it frightens me so. I don't know what to do. What do I do know? What are we doing?
I have no idea. I just want him. I want him to be mine and no one else's! But does he really want me? Did he really say that? Oh, yes he did! He did; he wants me too!
Oh my gosh. There's too many emotions going on inside for me to deal with. Happy. Sad. Worried. Nervous. Happy. Smiling. Crying. Fretting. Crying. Smiling.
This is so crazy! Is what people go through when they're in love. I think I see why people avoid it... and why they relish in it!
Yes, I do believe I have lost my mind and should be checked into a clinic.
scullerymaid at 11:19 a.m.