January 28, 2008
Subtle Seduction
So I've been thinking, and it's totally my fault that all this is happening and that I feel this way.
When I first started hanging out with Peace over break, I had a little tug. A crush if you will. But after that there wasn't really anything. I mean, there was something, but it wasn't strong and I brushed it off. But I did decide that I'd have a little bit of fun I guess. I decided to seduce him.
And I knew exactly how to do it, too. When China was nagging and he became so frustrated, I'd rub his back, or hold his waist, just little touches to let him know I was there for him. When I woke up so early every morning, I went downstairs into the sun room where he began to look for me whenever he woke up and we would talk about whatever was on our minds whether it be God or our families. I spoke with my eyes and my actions. I joked around and played video games. Let him on that I was ticklish and quirky. I made myself available in a way that the other girls weren't. I was loving and playful, a true friend when he needed one.
Then he started texting me. Only a little. Not nearly as much as he did Mondo. And his hugs became longer, like he felt as if he were losing me and if he held on tight enough and long enough, I'd be there forever. This is the point I started to feel something and confused myself. I hadn't expected anything to come out of my seduction plans. I thought it was just the normal flirting that went on with my past guy friends. Playful and that's it. But no, this was something more and I didn't know what. So I ignored it, denied it, tried my hardest to run away from it.
Then he began to IM me. And I started to wonder if he really felt something. It was always hinted at, but never said. So I wasn't sure. Sometimes I steered the conversation in that direction. Sometimes I waited for him to.
And now look what's happened! I am a nervous ball of energy, always wondering what he's doing and when we'll get to talk again. And apparently he's just as energetic as I am. According to my friends anyway, who were obviously scrutinizing our every action. How I wish we had had a little privacy. I would've been tenfold more affectionate. Not in my usual way, but more intimately.
So, as you can see, I'm in this because I started it. I could've just stayed in the background like I usually do, and he would've been fine with Mondo. But no. I decided to interfere, thinking nothing would come of it. Boy, was I wrong!
Anyway, I skipped out on breakfast. Why should I have gone? It's completely on the other side of campus and it's cold. I' have to walk there and all the way back. Not to mention rush through my food since everyone else has class. So I decided to update my ponderings instead.
scullerymaid at 9:08 a.m.