January 25, 2008
Shot down with doubts
So I told Popeguy tonight. And I knew what he was going to say, but I don't know what I expected from him. It's just..I'm always supportive of him. Even when sometimes I don't think it's the best, I leave it alone. And he has the nerve to compare me with Falcon? Just because I'm not sure what Peace wants from me exactly.
The way I don't know what he wants is not the same way Falcon didn't know what Popeguy wanted, and I'm just very hurt and disappointed that he would compare me to him.
I know this thing between Peace and I are very unlikely. I know that Peace is a very loving and affectionate person and you cannot just jump into thinking that something is there. Why do you think I've been so hesitant this whole time? But there is something there. Chemistry. And some form of love. And I don't know what else. Yeah, maybe nothing will happen, but at least be a little optimistic for me. I know Popeguy is trying to be protective of me, and I love him for it, but right now I need a friend, not a brother.
I knew I shouldn't have told him. I wanted to so badly, but I wasn't prepared to. So I'm just going to forget about it all. Stop acting like some silly lovesick girl and do what I'm supposed to. Make sure I do well in school and just live.
You know that restless feeling. Well, it's here in full force. I don't know how I feel and I just want to run away. The only thing is the person I want to run to is also the person I want to run away from.
It's amazing how blissful I felt this morning and how miserable I feel tonight. I think the best course of action will be to talk to Peace. Find out what it is we have, and if it's anything, stop it. Because we can't be together anyway. So why put ourselves through the wondering and waiting.
But in all this, I do appreciate Math. She's so supportive and cute about it all. Granted, she doesn't know how affectionate Peace is in general to most everyone he meets so this could all be nothing anyway, but she believe as do I that there's something there.
Ugh, Popeguy makes me so angry and I'm not even sure why!
scullerymaid at 10:15 p.m.