January 24, 2008
Tucking you in
The things he says to me... it's not that they're confusing it's just- I don't even know.
Here's Math's opinion. It's there. We are both feeling it, but are too scared to do anything. I suppose this is true, but how can we? He's practically dating this girl (who goes to the same school as he does, by the way), and he can't suddenly just stop that. I came after that was already going. I think maybe I caught him off guard as he has caught me off guard. And I understand that. I think we both do. If anything was ever to happen between us, it wouldn't be now. Even if there's a part of us that wants it, now is not the right time.
Plus, there's that whole distance thing. Which he discreetly brings up in our conversations. Why are you sooooooooo far away? Why are we separated by geography when our souls are so connected?
And even though there are all these hints at chemistry, I'm still always wondering, am I imagining it? He is a very affectionate person, anyway. Am I just getting part of the average affection, or is it more. It sees like more. And as is a little obvious, other people are picking it up too. Which is exactly why I tried to seem as unattracted to him as possible when we were all hanging out- China the ex, and Mondo, the new girl. But Romania picked up on it and is pestering me nonstop, and now Math is trying to get the ball rolling.
But I can't be as bold as she wants me to be. It would only push him away I think. Kinda. And do I like him? Yes, I like him. Stop denying it. If I didn't like him, I wouldn't get excited when I see him on Aim. Or when I hear his name, like some forbidden secret whispered to me in the air. My breath wouldn't catch when Popeguy talks to him on the phone.
Speaking of which, Popeguy has no idea. And I know I should tell him, and I want to tell him, but I'm holding back. The two of them are like brothers! Who knows what would happen if I said anything. Would it get back to Peace? Would this little thing that we have be ruined... or improved? I don't know.
But lately I haven't been able to talk to Popeguy about a lot of things. I don't know why, but I've put this barrier up I think. And I think he's starting to sense it. Very minimally though. Sometime she's such a dweeb! So I have time to open up to him still.
So yeah, that's my spew for tonight. Oh, and I don't like my Spanish classes. At least not one of them. Not sure about the other. Love religious studies though!
scullerymaid at 12:11 a.m.