December 11, 2015
Therapist
Yesterday TJ sent me a text. He asked if I was happy. There was no hesitation in my answer. Yes, I am happy. It's almost a weird thing to say. I've never thought of myself as not being happy. Sure, it's been...a rough life at times to say in the least, but I've always considered myself to be a happy person despite moments of defeat and heartache and sadness. And there are things that are still bumpy. Still trying to swim my way out of debt. I'm worried money will always be an issue. I'm turning 27 and live in a studio apartment and haven't applied to any grad programs yet. But I'm happy. There are't any upsets in my life. I've cut ties with negative people. My relationships are healthier and I couldn't be more grateful.
Brian and I had a really good weekend last week and I'm still feeling the effects of that euphoria. I felt closer to him. I felt as though he felt closer to me. It was just really really nice. I don't know what more I can say about that. It was funny, though, because one way or another we got on the subject of dating. Obviously, when we first went out we talked about previous attempts at romance. I remember in particular he had told me about this girl that stole his pie plate. But it turns out he went out with someone else too when he originally went out with me! I had no idea, and I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't taken aback by that. Not that I have room to talk. Remember those years when I had boys on speed dial if I felt like going on a date? Hell, I dated TJ, Zach, and Jordan all at the same time for a short period of time. So really, I have no room to have feelings about that. Plus, I won out. After our first date, there was no going back. He told her about me then proceeded to book me up week after week after week and now here we are. And I'm still the only girl he's ever kissed on a first date, which still gives me butterflies to think about. And now I get to kiss him whenever I want.
Recently, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. There's so many things that interest me, but nothing that fills me with true passion. I know what I want. I've said that time and time again. I want to get married. I want to buy a house. I want to have some babies. But I don't necessarily want to be a stay at home mom. I'd like to have some sort of career. And Brian is a waiter, so for the time being I think it's important to think about what I should be doing with myself to contribute. Anyway, the local university here has a MS program for counseling that I've been eyeing. This is mostly because what I do now is counseling without the title. And I like what I do. I like working with people. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure I'd love working in academia. I love learning and what better opportunity to love. But I also want to be practical. I want a career that's not only meaningful, but that can also support me. So I guess I'll apply and see what happens. If I get in, I'll pursue it.
scullerymaid at 10:51 p.m.