April 03, 2015
La pobre
Little update. This week I discovered that I was a victim of fraud. Someone in Quebec was going to town at a Casino with my checking account information. Put me in the hole $400. So I had to file a fraud case and all that jazz. Most of the money has been reimbursed, which means they've cancelled all the overdraft fees they charged me, but I'm still feeling a little paranoid about the whole situation. Plus, today we got paid and it was just a miserable check. I really wish I could find a second job because a couple of my bills are starting to pile up. In September, I'll have one of my loans paid off, which will really be a blessing, but until then things are so tight. I don't know how this continues to happen. I hardly splurge. My dad told me there's a local catering company hiring. Maybe I'll look into and see what that's about.
I completely forgot that this was Easter Weekend. I really thought there were a couple more weeks left. My dad is pressuring me to come spend Sunday with them, but I don't have the money to put in the car to drive all the way out there and back. They offered to fill up my tank, but I still have to get there first and I'm just feeling so weird about money with this fraud incident, and I'm also rather embarrassed at being so poor. I know that it's not something to be ashamed of. That I'm just living the struggle like everyone else is, but other people can afford to drive 20 minutes down the road, and I'm hoarding my gas for every mile it's worth. I'm so over it.
I'm seriously thinking about teaching. I'm scared that I don't have the personality for it because I'm such a quiet person, but hopefully in a classroom setting with children it wouldn't be so bad. I have to remember I'm not the shy girl I always thought I was in high school. I know people say teachers make shit for money, but a starting salary is still more than I make. I also don't mind that I have to bring my work home and grade papers. Until I moved here and got this job, I spent my whole life bringing work home. It's not that big of a deal. Isn't that called having a career instead of a job. I hear a lot of people kind of fall into teaching anyway. Perhaps I should spend the summer working on getting a license, and go for it. What could it hurt? Something has to change, and if I'm not going to grad school anytime soon, I need to do SOMETHING!
TJ and I have been spending a lot of time together recently. Like I said, he even spent the night Sunday, which is so uncharacteristic, and he contemplated staying over last night when he came over for a bit. I know none of this means anything, I just like to think about it. I've been doing some research to try and understand him better. He's an INTJ if you follow that sort of thing, and now that I've taken the time to read, our personality traits are so obvious. Like how he comes off as cool and indifferent since he's not very good with expressing his emotions, and I come off as hysterical because I express them when the slightest thing feels off. It doesn't mean I care more and that he cares less. It means we care differently. I'd like to think if either one of us didn't find value in the other, we would put an end to it all. Something must be there since we keep holding on. I daresay it's more than loneliness. There's plenty of people that can cure loneliness for a night or two. Isn't that what dating is about nowadays? But we've forged this intimate relationship and keep it running. Maybe it means nothing, but I think there's a reason we keep coming back together. Who knows.
My period is late. I usually run a 29 day cycle, but am working on day 34. As much as I want children one day, recently I've been thinking how horrible it would be to get pregnant now. Besides the whole poor thing, my health scares me. I'd have a high risk pregnancy. Overweight and diabetic. I can't even imagine the precautions I'd have to take. But I've had baby scares before and they always amount to nothing. I have complete confidence in my birth control after all these years. Though, pregnancy would be great with my new insurance plan. I dropped down to the high deductible because I just couldn't afford so much money coming out each pay period. Hopefully that will make a difference in my finances. No wonder my checks have been so tight!
Speaking of doctors, I have my next check-up in a month exactly. Seems that I'm maintaining weight instead of losing it, so I guess I should switch things up. I know it's my diet. I really want to go low carb, but do you know how much cheaper it is to eat carbs? Seriously, meat and veggies are expensive. Pasta is cheap. Potatoes are cheap. Bread is cheap. Oh, the struggle.
Maybe I should consider getting my masters online. I'm terrified that I don't have the discipline, but I'm sure if I was paying for it I'd find the discipline. I'll look into some programs and see what's out there. I'd like to say I don't have the time, but I do. Half the reason I want a second job is because I like to stay busy and have too much time on my hands.
Well, that's that I suppose. All my unorganized thoughts.
scullerymaid at 10:43 a.m.