October 06, 2011
Willies
Okay. That's it. I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to respond. I've fallen into an even worse state of utter confusion.
The past couple times I've hung out with this man of mine, I've noticed a shift in our relationship. At first, I didn't pay too much mind to it, but I don't think I can really ignore it anymore. I'm not sure if he just got some whim up his butt and next week things will go back to normal, but I don't know how to react to this new affectionate TJ. I've been analyzing him all day, watching his actions and reading his expressions. I keep catching him looking at me and it's giving me the willies! Isn't this what I've been waiting for all along? Of course it is, but I never expected to get it. I don't even know if it's really there or not and perhaps my excitement/anxiety is premature , but now that I'm aware of this change...I'm starting to feel a little awkward around TJ. Not awkward in the bad sense or in any sense that he has noticed. Just awkward in a I was okay with liking him and his feeling not being 100% returned in the same degree. I suppose I resigned myself to unrequited love and friendship. And boom! Now I get lots of kisses and little touches. These things mean something to me. Do they mean something to him now?
It's making me a little incomfortable, this not knowing. But I'm too scared to bring it up. I think it's too soon to start jumping up for joy.
When I left tonight instead of staying over again I think he was a little disappointed. I got three kisses! This weekend I'm finally going to go buy my car and he's coming with me. I gave him the option of waiting til Sunday, but he wants to go Saturday. And then maybe we'll carve pumpkins with his parents on Sunday. This is craziness.
scullerymaid at 10:01 p.m.