September 17, 2011
Packing
Is it strange that I find it disturbing that my nine year old cousin has a facebook?
So last night I went out with Kyle after work. Actually, we stayed in and watched The Skeleton Key, but I'll be honest- after about 30 minutes in a lot of watching didn't take place. He was nice if not very conversational. We have a similar kissing style, which was much appreciated on my part. And let's not forget that the man is a giant. I can't complain that I didn't enjoy stradling someone that isn't underweight. There was no question of my crushing him and that was a relief because I could just enjoy the moment, you know?
But don't worry. I kept my cookies in the bag. It was so strange, diary. In the past, I didn't have much of a problem doing a little bit of sleeping around. That's what Navy boys are for, right? He really wanted to. God knows he really wanted to. And I think I wanted to...then I just didn't. I couldn't. As bad as it is and as much as I hate it, I couldn't stop thinking about stupid TJ.
He's in my head all the time and I feel like he has ruined me. Everytime a potential new guy comes into the picture, I end up turning him down because I either feel guilty for being with someone else or I keep wondering what TJ is doing and how I could be with him right now. But that is so ridiculous. The two of us are not together whether we still hang out and sleep together or not. There's no need for me to feel this way and I really resent it. Because at the end of the day even if I complain about how tiny he is and how unaffectionate he is and how much he drives me crazy...I still want to be with him and I know I shouldn't. Even when I'm fucking angry at him I still want to be with him. I can't wait for the day that these feelings go away.
I wonder if Kyle is going to still talk to me now that I didn't have sex with him. If he doesn't talk to me, then I suppose it's a good thing that we held on to the goods. And if he does still talk to me, maybe he's worth keeping around.
I had a dream about Zach the other night. That was kind of weird.
scullerymaid at 2:58 p.m.