August 30, 2011
Firefighters
Math thinks that I should go out with her and make out with other guys to get out of my TJ funk. If you can call it a funk. I'm not really sure what it is. Either way, that would be fine and dandy and several months ago I would have been all for it. Nice, strong, in shape firefighters looking for a fun night...sign me up! But now I'm not so sure about acting out my old wild ways. I suppose if TJ and I aren't really together it doesn't matter how I spend my free time or with whom I choose to spend it, but still...I don't want to mess around on him- official or not official. We still see each other and spend lots of time together. We still act like a couple so I think I would feel guilty going to a party in search for a hookup. But maybe she's on the right track. Maybe being with someone else would help me realize that TJ isn't worth it. Except for the fact that for some crazy reason I think he is. Ack! Whatever.
You know he still texts me everyday. I don't bother reaching out to him since he doesn't seem to want me to for an attachment to him. Yet whenever I get off work, my phone always has a message or two. Even though we aren't together he has this need to update me on how his stomach feels or if his power is still out or that he found a house for rent in his area I could look into. Why waste the energy on me? Why should I care about those things and why should he care to tell me about them? It still doesn't make any sense to me. Dad, giving me his expert guy advice, told me that TJ is just fickle like a bunch of other guys out there. He knows what he wants but doesn't want to commit to it. He wants to be with me but doesn't want to feel tied down or some other such talk like that. My father is so sure of his reasoning, he's started calling me Mrs. Z- like that's really what I want to hear. I'm not saying he's wrong. Hell, Butterfly (sister) has been seeing the same guy for six years and they still aren't officially "dating." Maybe this is a guy thing? If I have any guy readers, feel free to open my eyes on the subject. I mean honestly, why see a girl if you aren't interested. Move on or something.
Not that I want TJ to move on. I really do like dating him. It's time to change my tactics I think. Eh, enough of this rant.
I have to give my rental car back on friday. Hopefully I'll know something about getting a new car by then.
scullerymaid at 5:30 p.m.