May 03, 2011
Survive
Sometimes the world seems such a harsh place. Sometimes life seems so cruel. But I suppose all these hardships are just learning experiences, right? These are the things that will make me strive for something better, something bigger, and something that is completely my own.
Today I learned another valuable lesson: never depend on anyone except yourself. Not even family. Sure, they may have good intentions, but they cannot be your caretakers. Only you can care for yourself.
My grandmother is the one that sent me to college. Without her help, I never would have been able to afford to go. But after freshman year, I started receiving enough financial aid for her not to have to pay anything. So when I decided to move off campus because it was cheaper, she agreed to help me pay rent. I have to pay everything else- electric, cable, water, car, etc, etc- but she would at least use the money she would have spent in tuition and help me out with rent. Last month she didn't give me any rent money and I had to use my savings. Now this month she isn't giving me any rent money and my savings is all but gone. But my cousin is still getting his money. My aunt and uncle are still getting their money, too. But she has cut me off. She couldn't even have the decency to warn me so I could hunt for a job sooner. She just stopped and wouldn't have said a word if I hadn't questioned her today. I just don't understand this. She knows I count on that money to help me out. If she felt like I didn't need it anymore, why couldn't she let me know before my rent was due? Now I'm going to have to pull some sort of miracle to get it paid.
I just feel so caught off guard. She said that college money would keep coming in until I moved to Richmond in August. I'm pretty sure we are still barely in the month of May. This makes me wish she had never agreed to help me out with rent in the first place. Then I would've learned this lesson a lot sooner. I think she honestly believes that since dad moved in he's paying all my bills. I love my father to death, but the man can't hardly support himself let alone me. I mean, who got us into this apartment in the first place? Me! Who used up all their savings back in September to get this place and get cable and get electricity. Me! But I guess since my father is living with me he is obviously taking care of me and I don't need her support anymore.
Fine. I'm a determined person. I swear from this moment on I will never rely on someone for money again. Not my parents (as if they could give me money) and sure as hell not my grandmother. I'm not in college anymore. I will support myself from here on out and do so on my own terms. I may not have more than a dime to my name right now, but it won't always be like that. I have the summer to save up. I've survived worse than this. It'll work out.
But really, she could have at least set me aside and warned me! Sometimes I really do envy my peers. You know, the ones that can move back home after graduation until they get on their own feet. The only problem with that is my "home" hasn't existed for the past three years. And people wonder why I permanently moved to Newport News after graduating high school and going off to college.
But we're survivors, right? Right!
scullerymaid at 7:08 p.m.