April 28, 2011
Locked in the bathroom
What harm could it do?
I believe those were my words in regards to hanging out with Jeremy. Boy was I wrong! I guess after seven months of having this little crush on me, my finally agreeing to hangout again encouraged he make his intentions clear before he is stationed out in Cali.
Hanging out was fine. We went to lunch and ran some errand instead of going to the beach because the weather was all rainy. We almost went fishing, which would've been fun...but oh well. Anyway, except for a few minor annoyances, it was a fun, chill day.
Then he dropped me off at home and wanted to come in. So I agreed. I enjoyed the conversation we were having. Here's where things started to go sour. Somehow we got onto the subject of sex. Remember the wager on my virginity? Well, Jeremy was one of the guys in on that and he's been trying to get into my pants ever since he first met me. So we were talking casually about sex when he suddenly asks if he can kiss me. Okay, we all know there are several reasons why i refuse to do anything with Jeremy. One, he used to be with Snortgiggles. Not only does that bother me (I would always thing about her while we were together), but she told me it would upset her if I messed around with him. Though according to him, she gave him the green light to pursue me. Two, he annoys the shit out of me. I don't mind hanging out, but I don't think we are compatible as anything more than friends. Three, although Jeremy is not an unattractive guy, I'm not all that attracted to him. Don't get me wrong! There are moments when I look at him and have to remember to close my mouth. But overall, no thanks. And four, I just don't have those feelings for him. I don't have them, don't want to have them, and will not allow myself to have them.
And he just doesn't understand all this. We can't be together and will never be together. I don't WANT to be together. But he was a persistent, stubborn little bugger and after two hours of a round-about-going-in-circles-conversation, he finally wore me down into agreeing. He said one little kiss would ease his sexual tension and then we could go on just being friends. Then he would stop asking me to be his girlfriend. And for sex. So fine! It's just a kiss right? I didn't want to do it, but if it would rid me of his persistence then so be it.
Only I couldn't do it. Every time he stepped near me my heartrate rocketed and I kept checking the windows to see if Snortgiggles had my place surrounded by surveillence. I was pacing all over the place. Finally, he had me cornered in the dark against the bathroom sink. That was a good thing. In the dark, I could calm down. And the bathroom sick is a familiar place. I've kissed many a strangers on a bathroom sink. Jeremy could just be another one of those strangers. Except he wasn't and I was completely sober. The closer he got, the deeper into the sink I sunk. It was so strange to have him leaning over me like that. And he was more flustered than I was. I swear he was sweating with nerves. But his goal was to calm me down because I kept laughing and tensing up every time he touched me. I seriously felt like a frightened animal the way he was treating me. He cooed to me like one would as jumpy horse, gently kissing my forehead...which really just annoyed me. Guess I don't like my forehead kissed. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and told him to start with my neck. That's my speacial point after all. And he went at it with vigor, which calmed me until he was able to make some lip action.
And it was pretty good. My body responded appropriately and I enjoyed the kiss until Snotgiggles popped into my mind again. So I pushed him away. satisfied that it was over with and went back into the living room.
I think his plan was a trap. Because that kiss did nothing to ease his sexual tension, but increase it! I think he was hoping that I would suddenly fall in love with him as if he were my prince charming. He kept going on and on about how passionate the kiss was, that I had feelings for him to, and he went on to confess his live for me, how he wished he had met me before Snortgiggles because than we would be together right now! No matter what I said to counter all this, he was convinced. So now I've only made him want it all the more. Where I was just a simple crush before, he feels as if I'm something more now. Not good, not good, not good! And my resistence makes it all the sweeter.
I wish he were someone else. He offers everything I want...I just don't want it with him.
It's so strange. No one has ever felt this way about me before, wanting to be in a real relationship with me and I have no idea how to handle it.
I didn't know he liked me as far back as Halloween. That's the night I made out with Halloween Boy (deliscious!). Apparently when Snortgiggles threw HB at me, Jeremy had to leave the room. He didn't like seeing some other guy all over me.
I just can't wrap my mind around all this!
scullerymaid at 10:20 a.m.