February 17, 2011
Demoralized
I broke things off with Jordan. I agreed to date him for all the wrong reasons. And his aversion to using condoms really has me freaked out. I've taken all the secondary precautions I can- but I'm still nervous! If I have a bun in the oven I'm going to kill him. Anyway, he also gave me this whole speech about how I demoralized him. What?! He made the moves on me first. And if I'm his girlfriend...didn't that solve his guilty conscience? I don't understand so I kicked him to the curb. I definitely don't need to deal with that. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a boyfriend right now in my life.
But yeah, I'm so scared of being pregnant. He never actually came inside, but he still managed to stick himself up there before I could swat him away. I should be fine right? That's what everyone keeps telling me anyway. Yet I can't shake these feelings of fear. I wish I would've just chosen Zach. At least he's a fan of protection. You know, apart of me feels stupid for letting things get that far but what can I do now besides wait, right? There's no point in analyzing my actions over and over again until I feel sick with regret. One day at a time, right?
I can't believe he said I demoralized him! I should've known better than getting involved with a church man anyway.
So once again, my fingers are super-crossed and I'm marking the days til my monthly friend arrives. Only she was early last time. That really doesn't help my worries. But I'm spending the weekend in Charlotte and the weather is amazing. That's a plus.
But I've once again discovered that since learning Spanish and French, I can't spell anything in English. You know, I spell a word out and I can tell it's mispelled, but for the life of me I can't figure out the proper spelling. I'm so silly!
scullerymaid at 5:06 p.m.