January 11, 2011
Zach
Ugh! Get out of my head. I don't know what happened, but last night I couldn't stop thinking about my lover- the one that was just a winter fling. I was ready to move on once school started, jump into work and not have time for boys. I mean, we haven't even talked in a week. Sounds like moving on to me! Then last night while I was laying in bed unable to sleep, I thought about how we always talked all night long. Over break, we would text until 6, 7, 8 in the morning! And...suddenly I miss it. Whoa, where did that come from? What happened to not having a real connection? That what I kept telling myself, right? That we only have virtual and semi-sexual chemistry, but no real spark. Now I wish he would text me. I'm craving his touch. Shit.
I did enjoy talking to him. He made me smile like a fool, haha. What if he never talks to me again? Yesterday, I was fine with that. Today I find it devastating. Maybe he's moved on.
Or maybe I'm developing fake feelings because at least he was someone to talk to and mess around with. What if it's the attention and not the man I crave?
I hate dating. Boys are so much trouble. One minute I'm the distant one, the next I'm the junkie.
scullerymaid at 9:56 a.m.