December 29, 2010
Mistletoe
Today I was having very strong panic feelings. Those butterflies are being squeezed by my stomach muscles and my chest keeps clenching. Trapped. Why does meeting guys always make me feel trapped? But it's okay because I'm swallowing the feelings down instead of following them. If this is something good, I don't want to sabotage it. Not yet. So I'll keep a smile on my face even though a part of me feels like I'm drowning. Because tomorrow I know those dark thoughts will go away and I can start floating again.
He really does make me laugh. And feel sexy. What more could I ask for right now?
On a truly sour note, however, Jeremy keeps calling me. I told him that I can't hang out anymore. I'm not sure how he's taken it yet. Oh well, he's the one that keeps crossing the line.
scullerymaid at 10:43 p.m.