April 23, 2010
The difference
I just want to say that my debt is paid and I am now free from bondage. What does that mean? Yesterday was my last session and I never have to go to that place again. I went for my friends, to prove that I cared enough to do something I otherwise would not have...and I don't feel it did me a lick of good. All the guy did was repeat back to me what I had told him. There were too many awkward moments for me to appreciate any authority he should have possessed. So I'm glad it's over.
Anyway, today I recieved an email from Cherish that really made me think. She sent me this quote:
�People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that�s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you�ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life��
Is it strange that this makes perfect sense to me? I know without a doubt that Popeguy is my soulmate, but that doesn't mean we'll be together forever, does it? Of course it shouldn't. He's my soulmate, not my true love. Those are separate characters in my life and maybe, even though I'm not in love with him, I was merging the two into one figure.
But am I ready to leave and let go? I'm on my way there, that's for sure. And I don't like it at all, but sometimes that's how life works, isn't it? I love him unconditionally...and I think he loves me unconditionally, but he tries to force that love into a conditional state. And though it hurts me, that's what he was taught. I'll love you if you do this. I'll love you if you do that. I'd love you if you weren't gay. I should have been more sensitive instead of always getting upset. But it's a little hard when your heart is being stepped on.
scullerymaid at 11:18 a.m.