February 22, 2010
Quiero besarte
Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss. That's all he talks about is how much he wants to kiss me. Well, if he wants to do it so bad, why doesn't he just freaking do it? Because now he just has me all nervous and on edge! I don't even know if I want him to kiss me. I don't know what I want honestly. I like talking to him. I enjoy the attention he gives me. Flirting is fun. But do I really want him to kiss me. Do I like him? I'm scared that maybe I don't. And that would mean I'm just leading him on. I'm a tease! I don't know. I'm thinking about it too much. I wish my brain would just shut off and let my body take over. That would be a nice change.
He has pretty eyes though, I'll give him that. And I like the way he stares at me. I can tell I make him feel very calm and relaxed, something I'm sure he doesn't get a lot of. That's another thing I'm afraid of. Maybe I saw him as an opportunity to nurture someone. To be affectionate. I love being affectionate...
Or maybe I'm just afraid. Afraid to let someone touch me, hold me, kiss me. Afraid to let someone cross that barrier from friend to lover. Peace never fully crossed that barrier. And all the other guys are gay. There's no fear of them crossing it. Now here's this boy. This boy who wants me and has made that clear. What am I supposed to do? How should I respond? I don't know!
scullerymaid at 3:10 p.m.