February 12, 2010
Awkward starfish
Okay. Let's talk boy.
I don't know what's going on with this guy. He texts me texts me texts me...then stops! I get nothing. Not even a hello, goodbye at work. So we go on our exursion to HD to buy a new screen and blinds for my window, and his body language (according to Bonadio) has done a 180 since our outing the other night. What is up with that? But I don't say anything. I act normal. But after we drop him off, it really starts to bug me. So I ask him if the two of us have frightened him. I mean, we are a couple of crazy girls especially when we're together. But he assured me that he was just shy, which I know and believe. Then he talked to me for the rest of the night. Somehow we ended up talking about thoughts and how he's always overthinking things. So I took the bait. What are you overthinking, I ask. His response: everything, especially females. Okay, well that gives me nothing so I ask him to be more specific. And he asks me what I mean and then says any girl I'll actually talk to. Hmm, that's interesting. What exactly is he trying to say here. So I go on to tell him that I'm indeed a girl and he doesn't have any problem talking to me. He shrugs it off. So I push a littler further and ask if there's a girl at Panera he wants to "talk" to. After that, he didn't reply anymore.
What do I have to do, beat it out of him? He brought it up. I understand he's shy, but so am I. And I don't have time for him to not be a littler bold. If he's interested, he needs to show me that he's interested. Or at least, not start to make things awkward. Because now I feel awkward because I don't know how I feel. Am I attracted to him? Or am I attracted to the idea of a boy that is interested in me? I don't know! And I'm so anti-boyfriend. What am I going to do with a boyfriend? And he has no car and no money and just drinks all the time...alone! And he has a badboy past. Okay, so the truth is I don't care about any of that. I just can't figure out what I want. Or what I'd be willing to want I should say. Maybe I could just have a littler fling. I just don't want to fall in love. I'm not in the mood for a broken heart. Anything serious is out of the question. I mean, I'm going to Canada Fall Semester and then moving to California for grad school the following summer. It's just ot going to work long term. But if he wants something...casual? I guess I'd be up for that. You know, to have someone to hang out with and maybe...hang out with. I don't know. The best way to deal with this situation is to keep bringing him out of that shell! Tomorrow he's going to help me patch my screen. That should be interesting. Maybe I should try to hang out alone with him. Bonadio always tags along, which I'm grateful for. But just maybe we need a one-on-one ice breaker type thing. Maybe I'll have a drink with him or something...
scullerymaid at 12:38 a.m.