December 06, 2009
The room closes around me
There is a part of me that is terrified for summer to come. Because as soon as May 30th hits, I will be homeless. Where can I go? Who will I live with? All those questions are answered with blanks. If this was a different area...a safer area, I would find a camp ground and just live out of my car/tent for the summer. Well, maybe if it got that desperate. All I need is a place to sleep every night. I don't need Internet or TV or anything like that. I can stay away all day. I just need a place to lay my head. I wish there were hostels here in my new city. But there aren't any. And apartments don't lease for only 3 months around here.
I just don't know what I'm going to do. I could ask to live with Bonadio, but it's such a commute to work and I really don't want to transfer to the Williamsburg Panera. I could look for a new, higher paying job I guess. Another option is to move back onto campus for the summer. Either way, I can't bring Loca with me and that really breaks my heart. I really do adore that cat.
I just don't know what to do yet and thinking about it makes my stomach clench. It's so easy for Popeguy. He has his "mentors" and boyfriend. He has options that suite him well and once again he has no problem leaving me behind to fend for myself. That's what he's good at, right? After three years and housing decisions, you'd think a girl would learn. I hate how he says we'll do this and we'll do that, then without warning he finds a better plan for himself. Then he tries to assure me that everything will work out. And it will. I mean, something will happen when my lease is up. I just don't know what yet. But who is he, the one that always abandons me, to tell me that I will be fine. He's not the that has nowhere to go. He doesn't have to hope his friends will let him move in. He's already all secure and dandy and my heart jumps into my throat every time I think about the summer.
I've decided I have abandonment issue...but I don't understand why. I don't have a reason to have issues like that. And yet, they constantly knock on my door. Sometimes I feel like life is just crashing down on me, waiting for me to fail. But, I guess the majority of the populations feels that way, don't they?
I could live in the parking garage. No one would ever know ;-)
scullerymaid at 11:49 p.m.