August 05, 2009
New litter
I'm frustrated. Or annoyed. Or restless. I don't know what I am. I just am. But this amness makes me not want to go home to my house. For some reason being there makes me feel suffocated. I can't breathe and that in turn just flusters me until I need to escape. So that's what I've done. Tonight will be my fourth night staying with the Twins on East Campus. Each night I think to myself, Okay, time to go back. It's time to go home. But that home feeling is gone now. Living with those people, as much as I adore them, does not feel like home. Math and Artist on the other hand...being with them is strangey comforting right now.
I miss my real home. I know I'm out in the world being an adult, but sometimes I just want to go home. But home doesn't exist anymore. Not really. Now that my family lives in the trailer on my Granny's property again, being there makes my skin crawl. Well, the idea of sleeping there makes my skin crawl. I could visit all day long without a problem. But sleep? That's another story. I do want to visit though. Maybe Friday. If I have money. If I have gas. And I'm going back up Wednesday for Mom's birthday. I hope that wil be nice.
Was the house a mistake? Or are these temporary feelings? I guess time will tell like it always does.
I can't remember the last time I saw or even spoke to Popeguy. Not like he's made an effort either. Neither of us bothers. Is that what "being okay" is supposed to be like?
I'm so ready for school. If I can get into my classes. Otherwise I'm screwed with credits I don't need nor want.
Time for work!
scullerymaid at 2:44 p.m.