April 24, 2008
What's the point
I'm finished. I'm just done. What'sthe point of even trying.
You know, I thought I was doing really well. I haven't been snippy. I hang out. I talk and laugh. I'm not even afraid to live with the girls next year. I really thought I was back to normal. And yet people take me as being unfriendly? I just don't understand. I admit I've built a wall. ThatI'm a little distant from y friends, but I've been improving.
Or at least I thought.
Today I found out this girl at work couldn't imagine me as being a friendly person and I don't know why. What have I ever done to her? Sure, I don't talk to her that much, but I think we all know I'm not the conversationalist. And the one time I tried to talk to her, she barely responded. So I stopped. I can't help that I'm quiet and don't know what to say. That doesn't make me mean. No one else at work thinks I'm mean... or do they?
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm always fighting to be what people want me to be. To be who I used tobe or something like that. I don't even know what I'm fighting against. I'm at a complete loss. Right now I would love nothing more than to shrivel up and not exist anymore. Because I obviously can't do anything right.
What am I doing? Why am I here? And how did I get to this point? I've always thought of myself as polite and friendly.
Maybe there's nothing for me but to be alone. No friends. No interaction. Nothing. I'm socially abnormal
And now I can'tstop crying. I just don't understand...
scullerymaid at 10:55 p.m.