February 01, 2008
About to have the big talk
So whatever this thing is...I confronted him about it. And the stupid boy that he is was completely thrown off. I was so angry with him. But how can you stay angry? It's like with Popeguy...I can't stay mad.
So I tried to end it. To sweep him under the rug, but he won't let me. He's confused. I'm confused. And it's just crazy.
But I know the truth. He doesn't know what he wants. He had something going on, and then he found something new and doesn't know what to do. Or how he feels. He thinks he can just go on and say things, drop hints and it's all going to be dandy. That he can have one and the other in the same yet different ways. Only that's not how I want to play. If he's going t talk to me, he can't talk to me in that way unless it's going to lead to something. Otherwise, I don't want it.
And I've finally figured it out. This is why I was so hesitant. Why I didn't want to give him my all. Because I knew he was confused and just surpirsed and didn't know what he wanted or what to do. So I kept myself apart before I fell too deep in. And I'm glad I did. Becauseif we're not going to do anything for a while, I don't want him to occupy my diary. Because if he doesn't occupy my diary, then he won't occupy my thoughts. And I don't want him in my head. Unless...
When did life become so complicated? How I'd love to run and hide in a house on the coast. Just me, the sun, and the ocean. And some friends of course ;-)
I'm so glad that we might finally be talking. Since this thing has been going on, I've felt trapped. Like a caged animal. I'm ready to be free again
scullerymaid at 1:54 a.m.