January 26, 2008
I Ching
You know what I can't stand? When I'm angry...because I can never remember why I'm angry. I acknowledge my anger, and when I think about it, I become more angry, but I usually don't know why. Sure, I have a general idea, but not enough to express in words. So I just sit with my annoying anger become a little snippy. Or quiet. And when people ask whatever is the matter, I can't give them a legitimate answer. I think part of the reason I don't why I'm angry because I'm not really an angry person. That's to say, I don't have a temper and curse the world all day. No, my anger comes in littler spurts throughout the day. In the form of thins that may have offended me, whether it be a comment or something else. Then it just goes away, as quickly as it came. So I pay it no mind. I know it's there, but I also know that it will pas before I have enough time to think about it.
So when I'm really angry, like I am now, I don't know what to do. Because I know I'm angry. My blood is a little hotter and my eyes are just glaring away, all mean and squinty. And it's trying to go away. This anger I feel wants to leave me, but I want to be angry because I know I have a reason to be angry, but when I try to sit and rationalize my feelings... I get nothing. The reason isn't formed, and therefore I can't confront it and it's just going to go, like all my other feelings tend to do.
I never realized I was such an emotional person. My emotions switch from one to the next like wildfire inside of me. The only problem is it happens too quickly for me to process any of it.
Pity.
Anyway, I'm currently reading The Amber Spyglass. I tried to read it some years ago, but back then many things scared me so I couldn't continue. It's funny going back and recognizing the parts that I feared to read, that made me think I would be struck down if I went one. Because now I know it's nothing. I am stronger than superstitious thoughts. But the point of letting on that this is what I'm reading was to talk about I Ching. This has been popping up a lot lately. On TV. In the book. Just everywhere. My current coincidence. So I think I might go to the library and check it out... so that I can check it out. Haha, I love to crack myself up :-D
scullerymaid at 4:58 p.m.