November 15, 2007
Inferiority
Today was the first time that I couldn't even stand to look at Falcon and Popeguy wasn't on my best side either. We all went to Einstein's, this coffee shop on campus. Math and I decided to play chess. She doesn't really know how to play and I'm not the best. Popeguy and Falcon were sitting next to us and what do they do, the chess experts that they are? Comment every chance they could. You can finish in two moves. No, don't move there. Something changed; I see three maybe four moves now. And it was pissing me off to no end. I couldn't concentrate I was so absorbed with what they were saying. True, it was mostly Falcon, but Popeguy got his two cents in too. I felt so inferior and stupid and dumb. And I hate feeling like that. I was so self-conscious that my brain shut off and I couldn't even see moves anymore, but only hear their suggestions. It was no longer my game, but theirs. I don't know. When I play chess, I don't think about all the strategies and the quickest way I can checkmate the King. I like to take my time and enjoy the game. I like to move in slowly and take all the other player's pieces. Why should I care if I can win in six moves or less? I think Math was a little annoyed too because we both decided to stop playing and just let them start a new game (which by the way took just as long as ours).
This is one of the reasons why I'm not sure if I want to take a class with Popeguy. I'm sure I would love to have a class with him. But I'm scared of feeling inferior. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm sure it would be just fine.
Why am I so afraid of the world?
scullerymaid at 9:30 p.m.