January 03, 2007

BTVS: Season 5, Episode 11 "Triangle"

Buffy: (sighs) New semester, new classes. (She and Tara begin to walk out into the hallway) Whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by.
Tara: (laughs) I think this one's gonna be kind of fun. Greek Art's gonna touch on so many things -- mythology, history, philosophy...
Buffy: (whispering) The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. "The first five rows will get wet."
Tara: (laughs) That was just, you know, um, enthusiasm.
Buffy: It seemed very much like saliva.
Tara: We'll sit farther back next time.
Buffy: Good plan. (stops walking, folds the paper and puts it in her bag) I need to keep this course. The only other thing that fits into my schedule is Central American Geopolitics.
Tara: (grimaces) Hmm.
Buffy: And no, thank you. (resumes walking) I even hear the word jungle, all I can think of is him. (Tara looks sympathetic) You know, "is that the one Riley's in?" Really don't need a daily 2:00 knife in the heart.
Tara: Is it that bad?
Buffy: (stops walking) Sort of. But I'm starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley's ... where he's supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed ... to be where he was needed.
Tara: Willow says that things always happen for a reason.
Buffy: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things? (Tara laughs) But not for me the furrowed brow. (resumes walking) What do you say we go pick up Willow and indulge ourselves in a little after-school hamburger?
Tara: I guess we could. She might still be at the magic shop. I was there earlier, and she and Anya kinda got in this little squabble ... Xander and I sort of cleared out, he was pretty upset.
Buffy: (stops walking, looks very concerned) Anya and, and Xander are in trouble?
Tara: Oh! No, I-I said that all wrong. It was nothing. Willow and Anya were sort of fighting, and then Xander kind of snapped at both of them and he left.
Buffy: (alarmed) He left? Xander left Anya?
Tara: (frowning) Ummm ... no, not "left her" left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it-
Buffy: Little thing? (tearfully) See, the thing is, the ... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing!
Tara: Oh dear.
Buffy: (sniffling) Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up!
Tara: Oh, I think-
Buffy: They have a beautiful love.
Tara: I think they'll be fine.

Buffy bursts into tears and puts her face against Tara's shoulder, hugging her. Tara looks alarmed, pats Buffy on the back.

Buffy: (muffled) They have a miraculous love!
Tara: What?
Buffy: (sobbing) A miraculous love!

I watched this episode the other day and it seemed fitting to post.

Relationships. I supposed I've always wondered what it would be like to have a boyfriend. What it would feel like to be loved. Not that I'm not loved, but this is a different kind of love. A love that consumes you, or at least catches you on fire. You know, to feel attractive and needed. I'm quite bitter that I will finish my high school career without ever having had a boyfriend. But now that I look at it, maybe it's best that I didn't have a sweetie. That I should wait 'till college. Looking at my friends, who've had few and short relationships, I see how it consumes them... and hurts them.

Ember is having problems with her boyfriend. I remember when she first told me of him. What a perfect match they seemed. I was so happy for her. Then I met the lad, saw his controlling ways and I feared him. The relationship was doomed and Ember has finally realized it. Thank God she has a strong enough spirit not to be dominated by him.

CM has always been boy-crazed, from the moment I met her. Last year, her fantasies were finally lived. Nothing terrible, only a prom date and some smootching in the back-seat of his car. But they were not dating, and she dreamt about him everyday for many months. Then she met another guy, a little older, and she fell for him too. But there are too many obstacles between them and she's at a loss of what to do.

Oh, and my theatre teacher just got married. Had a minnie-hneymoon over the weekend. Bu when I saw her when she came back to school, she looked so tired. Where was the new wife glow?

Love is a beautiful thing, the most powerful thing in the world. There was a time when I believed one could be in love, true love, in high school. And I suppose you can have true love in high school. At least something that feels like true love. But perhaps if you start it too soon- too young, the truth of it fades. It just doesn't seem to last in most cases.

So as much as I desire to experience that feeling that my friends know, I'm glad I've waited. Sure, I'll be one of the few Seniors at prom without an escort when they call my name, but at least I won't be heart-broken.

No, I don't agree with any of what I'm saying. I am a romantic and an optimist and I would rather experience it and get hurt then never to experience it all. Maybe logic tells me what I've said above, but the rest of me denies it. What is love without passion, and what is passion without pain? Nothing. This is what life is. Everything has a purpose and works out in the end.

I hate to get all weird here, but the more and more I observe my surroundings, the more coincidenses/signs/whatever I see. Ifeel like I'm connected to the earth, to God, and despite my terrible relgious habits, I do strongly feel God's presense in my life.

Anyway, back to the whole love thing and never having a boyfriend... it scares me. My greatest wish in the world is to be married to a good man and have his children and live in a house filled with love. Not to be old-fashioned. I am surel wihtout a doubtnot talking about the Brady Bunch or 7th Heaven. I expect flaws and the sort. But my greatest fear is that I'll end up a spinster, never having known love.

Okay, I think this entry is long enough and slightly too emotional/philosophical/personal to post, but I've done all this typing and babbling so I'm posting it.

"I really need to find that perfect paper journal"

Olaf: What are you fighting for, minuscule blonde one? Your friends? (gestures to Anya comforting Xander) These two? (chuckles) They will never last. (Buffy's lower lip begins to tremble) Anyanka is very difficult to live with, and he... (we see Willow and Anya both comforting Xander) he's ludicrous and far too breakable. Their love will never last.

Buffy looks on the verge of tears. She gives a sad little whimper. Then she jumps to her feet, flips over Olaf's head. He bends over and she flips herself across his back, spins and kicks him in the chest.

Buffy: Well, see how well things worked out? (looks fondly at Anya and Xander) And look at you guys. So good and alive and together. (starts to tear up again) So together, and ... good, and ... alive... (sniffles, turns to grab a tissue) Oh, god... (crying) I'm ... I'm just so happy for you...
She bursts into tears and buries her face in the tissue as the others stare.