March 30, 2006
A myspace epiphany
Okay, so maybe I'm just very emotional right now because of the little spat with mom and my insecure feelings of inadequetcy, but I was browsing on myspace people that go to my school, when I ran across this one entry about how God has changed my life. Not a moment earlier, I had read his girlfriend's similar experience because they both have recently returned from a retreat. And I burst into tears.
I keep talking about how distant I feel from God, but what am I doing to change. Sure, I pray, though not every night like I used to, but that's enough. I have so many sins and broken promises to God, I feel dirty. I just want to go jump in the shower and never come out. I'm so tired of the person I've become. This is not me. I am not who I want to be. And it just makes me sick. I think my priorities are messed up. We read a story today in English about a man who didn't have his priorities straight, and then came to self-realization when he nearly fell off an 11-story building. I haven't had a near death experience, but I think this crying might be in a sense the same thing. Right now, I am dying. I realize that there are things missing in ym life and that I'm on the wrong track, and God is letting that old me, the one I don't like, die so that I can be the person I'm supposed to be. I'm tired of hiding.
scullerymaid at 3:18 p.m.