September 17, 2005
The Snow Queen
Sometimes I feel so dumb.
Yesterday I was talking to Apple. Granted, my end of the conversation brandished my tasteful skills of being able to say 'yeah' and giggle. We were talking about how we both went to private school and he said he liked it better- two years ago I would've agreed with him. He said the people, though not as diverse as public school, are more intelligent. He's right. I told him how people think I'm very smart becuase I can make straight A's. He said that's simply your ability to do what you're told and he's right there too.
I am very good at doing what I'm told. In fact, I'm so good at it that I become influenced by others. I have no opinions. I may be smart, but I'm not intelligent. I love to hear him talk because he thinks with such depth, but I don't and I feel very vunerable. And to top things off, in my haste to keep up with the conversation, I let him in on one of my greatest insecurities. I'm sure he brushed it off, but now it's stuck in my head. Everything with me is so complicated. Why can't I just be me. Why do I become this completely different person when someone tries to get close. I freeze...
Okay, I haven't been thinking of quotes lately, so if they're here, great. If not, maybe one'll pop up in the next entry.
scullerymaid at 10:04 a.m.