December 06, 2020


Today I received my first B+ in my graduate student career, and I guess it’s okay to have a little cry over it. I know it’s silly, and I’m not really sure where these feelings about grades come from. Were my parents really all that strict about grades? That’s the idea I have in my mind, but I’m not sure how accurate it actually is. The B + is disappointing, especially as a final project grade, but I keep trying to remind my stuff that I’m working in a discipline I’m utterly unfamiliar with and discussing topics I have never learned about. A B+ is not the worst thing in the world all things considered. But it still hurts a little bit. Recently, I’ve been asking myself what I’m doing. What am I doing putting myself deeper and deeper into debt? What am I doing not starting a career already? What is so great about academia? Wasn’t a masters degree good enough? What are you trying to prove? Maybe it’s the nature of starting a PhD program during a global pandemic, but I do wonder why I want to do this? Do I enjoy it? Is it the right decision. Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes the answer is I don’t know.

scullerymaid at 7:59 p.m.

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