August 06, 2011
You could me happy and I won't know
I hate to sound like a broken record, but have I mentioned how confusing this boy is to me. Last week he basically said he didn't want to develop something to deep so that we can salvage what we have. I interpreted this as he didn't want to have more meaningful conversations because that adds to the intimacy of things. But last night he was texting me all this "deep" stuff. Then of course he ended up just stopping because...I think he freaks out easily. I still don't know what he wants.
You know Diary, sometimes I feel like I'm just bashing him here. That for the past week all I've been doing is talking about how much he suddenly confuses me and has all these weird ideas about how relationships work. If I here one more thing about The Dating Rule Book, I'm going to hunt down that book and burn it.
But things aren't so bad. Listening to him talk last night made me realize somethings. He's not very satisfied with his life right now. Sure, he has this nice house but he works works works all the time to keep it. He's always tired. I've never met anyone so non-energetic in my life. He told me he used to be so optimistic...but not he has this rather pessimistic view on life. I don't think he's depressed, but I wonder if that's the road he's heading down. I just don't think he's happy with life. And if you're not happy with life, you're not happy with yourself. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else? I really hope I'm not just making up all these excuses because I enjoy being with him, but I'm pretty sure he keeps me around because I can be like a bubble of sunshine when I put my head to it. I know I make him laugh with my ridiculousness. So maybe he's not ready for a relationship like he said because, well, he's not happy right now. I wouldn't want to be in one either, as much as I like spending time with someone.
This is why I'm being patient, Diary. It's not time to let go yet. Everyone deserves a chance and though it's beginning to sound like he has baggage and I could probably find someone more happy go lucky, I don't think it's all that bad. Not like Venezuela...remember him? haha
Anyway, enough of this analysis.
scullerymaid at 11:44 a.m.