July 07, 2011
South Dakota
I almost forgot!
Last night I went to the comedy show. It was really good. The guy's name was J Medicine Hat and he's a hypnotist. Let me tell you, a bunch of hypnotized people can be pretty funny to watch. It was a really great experience and I'm glad I got to experience it with TJ.
Then we went back home, watched some tv, and went to bed after a little messing around...when we had another off moment. I'm not even sure what caused it. I was a little hyped up on tequila and my memory is a little fuzzier than usual, but I remember I felt like he said something kind of critical. But for the life of me I can't remember what or why or how. I mean, we had a great night! But somewhere after going to bed something was said or done that really upset me. Ack! I wish I could remember.
I really hate the off moments because they make me feel so inadequate. Rejected and out of place. Then this morning I didn't hear his alarm go off and he went to work without waking me. I know he was doing it out of kindness, but I'd rather see him off and after whatever happened last night I woke up with this paranoid feeling that he was going to break things off..which is an absolutely ridiculous thought. Seriously, what's wrong with me?! Maybe it's because I feel like I'm crowding his space. I don't invite myself over or like to make assuptions, but he still has me come over every weekend and sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's getting old for him. I guess not if we're still going on dates and having dinner with his parents, you know? I don't mind seeing him so often, but I don't know what he thinks.
We don't text as often either. There was a time when he would burn up my phone all day. Now it's kinda whatever. This doesn't bother me as much as it may seem. I've never been much of phone person and texting is included in that most days. Look at Popeguy and I. We're best friends and I might text him twice a week. And if you see someone all the time I feel like it eliminates the need for texting. It's not like TJ and I are in a long distance relationship. So perhaps lovers/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends don't need to be attached to their phones 24/7. I hope not at least. Just because I'm not texting doesn't mean my feelings have lessened...just that I'm not really doing anything and have nothing to say.
I'm pretty confident in my relationship, but sometimes I'm scared I'll do something to drive him away. Or he'll mistake my little frustrated moments to mean that he bugs me.
scullerymaid at 11:13 p.m.