February 11, 2011
Complicated status
I feel like I have a very complicated relationship with Zach...and I'm not exactly sure how it got that way. We've become so off and on. He pulls away, then I pull away. He gets close, then I get close. Then I pull away and he pulls away and it's this giant twisted circle of missed phone calls, ignored texts, hurt feelings, neutral feelings, apologies, cuddles, long talks, goofy faces, giggles, and sex that can be really hot- or not.
He doesn't want a relationship- which frankly I wouldn't seriously date him now anyway- and yet...and yet. Sometimes I think I'm his emotional and sexual crutch. He can call me when he's stressed, bored, happy, whatever. And we have fun together. But he pisses me the fuck off. His up and down shit is so annoying. But I think I figured it out. I know exactly the moment things changed. When things became too intimate for both of us. Now we are in this weird limbo stage and I can't decide if I like it or not. He still makes me smile with his ridiculousness. But this time I don't have those feelings for him. And I think he knows it and doesn't know what to do with that knowledge.
Some of the things he asks me now...
scullerymaid at 1:20 a.m.