October 30, 2010
Sex 101
Okay, today we are going to delve into...my sex life. I mean, why not? This is my diary, right? One of the few places where I don't find a need to censure myself about my feelings. So if you don't want to read, skip ahead.
So apparently my virginity has been wagered. That's right, you read correctly. You know, in all the messing around I've done, somehow I've managed to keep my v-card in tact. And now it's wanted, proof by the Godzilla sized hickies on my neck I got at our Halloween party last night. It looks lived I've been strangled! Now I walk around ashamedly wearing a scarf in fear that some in going to see this huge thing around my neck and report abuse. Between the scarf and my hair, I think I've managed to hide it...but my friends sure did give me hell this morning, demanding to know exactly what happened in excruciating detail.
And the truth is, maybe I would have given it up finally. I mean, I surely was not complaining about the guy I ended up making out with. He was tall and cute and kinda lanky the way I like. He had a great teeth and a probing tongue. When he pushed me into the bedroom, nervous as I was, I didn't stop him. Instead the owner of the bedroom did because she had her own steamy plans. I supposed I'm grateful because I'm not sure how far I would have let it go. You know, I keep thinking to myself that I'm going to wait, I'm going to wait...but why? What am I waiting for? A husband to promise myself to that might not come? Who says that I've ever going to get married. I would like to, of course, but I don't know if that's going to be my reality or not. And sex is so casual now. My friends are with person after person. Or with their boyfriends if they aren't single. Is sex really this big deal it's been made out to be my whole life? Sometimes I wonder.
I especially wonder how I would have felt this morning my guy had hit home run last night. And I honestly don't have an answer. There is this part of me that wants to be angry and upset if I had gone through with it. But there is also this part of me that is extremely disappointed that it didn't finally happen. I'm screaming at myself, what are you waiting for?!. There was this hot guy that wanted me last night- and it was SO close! If we hadn't have been interrupted, would I still be a virgin today? Would I care? Would I feel delighted or dirty? I don't know that answer, and I'm wondering if I'll find it soon...
Let's move back to the wager. I suppose it happened a couple weeks ago when I was supposed to go to a Navy party with Snortgiggles. Those guys are all a bunch of horny mothers so she told them that if I came, I wasn't going to be easy. So they made a wager on who would "win" me and therefore take my virginity. I just found out about this today. Snortgiggles didn't want to tell me because she thought I would be hurt and angry, but I think I'm actually kind of flattered. I mean, I have the pick of the litter! More than anything, I thing the whole thing is kinda funny and plan on enjoying myself in the following weeks. Like she said, despite what might have happened last night, I'm not easy and I don't think any of those guys have a chance.
Except for maybe the guy last night, but he wasn't in on it anyway. Man, he was horny though. I always seem to be attracted to the really horny ones. I wonder if on some biological level, their horniness makes me all the more attracted to them? I don't know
scullerymaid at 6:54 p.m.