May 01, 2009
Ultimatumn
So I confronted Popeguy yesterday. And we got into one of our long arguements as usual. I don't know why I bother. All we do is go in circles and circles. Nothing is ever resolved and we just move on as we always do until the next thing sends us (meaning me) over the edge.
Why can't I just let go? He has a boyfreind. He's still my best freind but he doesn't need me in the same way he used to. Get over. This is how life works. We all search for that person that is going to complete us. And when we think we've found them, we want to spend time with them. We want to tell them our dreams. We want to text them and see plays with them.
So as a best friend, I need to be more understanding. Yeah, he does too, but it must start with me. Next time I have a problem, I'll find someone to rant to and leave him alone. Because every time we confront the issue, he's going to win. So just get over it.
What drives me insane though is that he gives this whole thing about how he's been looking for someone for a long time. Rewind! I've been there the whole time, watching him go and come back, go and come back. I'm the one that has to watch him test the waters and leave me behind so he can have his "fun time." He tells me that he's lonely. Okay, what about me?
What about me? Am I not lonely? Do I not want to find someone? He's all I have and all I'm going to have for a long time. He can pick someone up whenever he wants. But me, I couldn't get a date if I wanted one. Guys aren't interested in me, and if they are they surely don't show it. I'm the one that's alone, not him. I'm the one that goes home to an empty bed every night. I'm the one who has to sit and watch as all my friends get boyfreinds and drift away from me. But it was okay, because I had a best freind. Who needs a boyfriend? Not us. But the whole time, that's all he ever wanted. And it doesn't matter if I see him everyday. It doesn't matter if we still fight and play and are still peas in a pod.
He's not mine anymore. And he doesn't understand that no matter what he says, things are different, even if just a little. There are still voids in our relationship that didn't exist before.
But I'm the one that gets the ultimatum. I'm the one that has to fix it while he lives his faerie tale. It's my fault, so I can either take it, or he can disappear from my life.
I can't believe he would do that to me...
scullerymaid at 4:19 p.m.