December 08, 2008
Primitive nature showing
Everyone is having sex. And I don't think I know how to react to it. That restless feeling that makes me want to run is here right now. I don't know why, but there's this great pressure in my chest and I just want to go running...run away until I'm too far to come back.
I'm pretty sure 95 percent of my friends are no longer virgins. What's up with that? Is it a college things? Once we leave high school is there a special wire that's triggered and we all just go out and have wild sex?
I don't know. It doesn't really bother me, yet it still does. It's a weird feeling to describe. Do you know that half my group (the 6 of us) is having sex now? That's three left to go. And I know who is going to be the next to go and when.
Maybe it's strange for me because there are 22 days till I'm 20 and I haven't even kissed a guy full on the mouth, let alone gotten down and sweaty with him. Right now I feel really dirty. And I don't know if it's because everyone is having sex or because I'm not.
I feel so incomplete right now. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is this feeling anothe rpart of growing up? Maybe it's my primitive nature coming out, watching everyone else mate and realizing I need to find a mate. Survival of the fittest, right? Without a proper mate, I can't pass on my genes, now can I?
scullerymaid at 1:59 p.m.