November 10, 2008
Claim to me
I really really miss having a best friend. Right now Popeguy fills those shoes, but why does he have claim to that role? What exactly does he do that says I deserve to be the best friend of Tiger Lily? Someway or somehow I've become extremely devout, protective, and loyal to him. I love him like my brother, more so, and yet... and yet.
For him friendhsip is general. I know it's not his fault that we have different viewpoints, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. For me, you have friends. Then you have your close friends. Then you have a best friend. And even though you are close (obviously) to your close friends, it's not quite the same with your best friend. For me, he comes first. Before Artist, before Math, before Snortgiggles, before SB. Sometimes, even before Romania. But for him, though I hold the title, I'm just part of the gang. And I wish that didn't bother me.
Even more, I wish I would stick with the plans I make. Like when I say I'm going to mind my own business and not worry about stuff anymore. When I say I'm not going to necessarily avoid, but make myself unavailable. I'm tired of living my life for others if I in turn am not lived for.
I just want to be free.
The other say I said something about feeling like I don't have a home. I think that's because he is my home now. Wherever he is, wherever he goes, that's where I want to go, that's where I want to be. And I'm trying really hard not to make that so.
scullerymaid at 10:52 p.m.