March 30, 2008
Stressed or not stressed
So I've been thinking. And I think I'm in denial. In denial about being stressed. Because I don't feel stressed, but I think I might actually be stressed, or at least on the brink of becoming stressed. I feel like everything is happening at once. And today I randomly started crying in the dining hall. Not that anyone saw me because we were getting our food to go. But yeah! Random tearage. No warning or anything. And it's so weird because I've been pretyt cheerful all day. Watched some kdrama. Went to a spanish study session, which was actually pretty good. Then BAM. Bad mood stuck me. Not even a bad mood. More like a really sad mood.
So my conclusion is that there's just too much at once. Grandpa is dying and now I have to go to New York which means missing classes. Which isn't bad, but I've already skipped. See, I plan out my skipping. I calculate how many classes I can afford to miss if I need/choose to miss them, and this kind of messes it up. But it's my grandpa, so I have to go. There's no question.
Work doesn't really stress me out, but this week I'll be cosing and I have morning classes ont he following days. But it's one week, you know? I'll survive.
Spanish isn't nearly as bad, but suddenly we have all these projects. It's crazy!
Math... Oh what a relationship I have with Math. One moment I understand. I do the homework beautifully. And then I bomb the tests. Oh my gosh, my last test was horrible. I can't remember the last time I made such a grade. So I really need to bring that up. Like, super up!!!
That's my thing. I don't feel stressed, but I'm scared all these things will pile up on me and freak me out. So I'm trying to keep my cool, but what if I can't. And for some reason I can talk to complete strangers but not my friends.
Sometimes I feel so withdrawn and I just don't understand it. And it's a shame because people actually seem to like being around me. But I stick tomyself. I wish I didn't.
And I'm so in summer mode it's ridiculous. Do you blame me when there's only six weeks left? That will fly by like nothing. But that only means I get to start summer courses...
Allergies are killer, by the way.
scullerymaid at 11:15 p.m.