March 19, 2008
5/1000
There is something wrong with me. I've developed some kind of sickness that I just can't seem to get rid of. The sickness, one may ask? Crankiness, grouchiness, snippery, and downright bitchiness. I don't know why I am this way, but something happened and now I'm just bleh.
I don't even like to be around myself. And it's so weird. One minute, I am a barrel of apples. Then something happens, a trigger, and I become this mean snake!
I hate it. And the more I try to control it, the worse it gets.
Tonight I was talking to this guy I know, and he said I need some alone time. I suppose that might be true. But in my restlessness, I also feel lonely. So maybe I need to be alone with myself in order to nor feel lonely around other people.
But right now all I want to do is disappear. Not tell anyone and just slip away for a while. Like a day. Maybe Friday if the weather is nice I'll go about town. There's a trail somewhere that people talk about a lot. Maybe I'll go find it.
But yeah, I've been this way for like two weeks before break. I thought maybe it was Peace, but it isn't. I think maybe I just need to branch out. I mean, I'm with the same exact people 24/7. And I love them all, but I need someone else, too. They have other friends they can hang out with if they want. I should start taking up some offers.
It's just I feel so awkward. Quiet. Shy. Nothing to say. How does one make friends? How did I make the friends I have now? I honestly have no clue. But there are thousands of people on this campus. Why do I only give my time to 5 of them?
Okay, there's my rant. Been meaning to put it out there for awhile really.
Oh, but really quick let me tell you what my recent "trigger" is. It's Artist. I don't know why but some of the things she says, I'm thinking did you seriously just say that to me? But whatever. I don't know why her comments bug me all of a sudden.
Alright! Friday=Operation Me-Time
scullerymaid at 10:44 p.m.