March 08, 2007
do not Pity me; i am too Proud
I should be reading Frankenstein... but I'm not. I should go to bed in 10 minutes... but I won't. Always should do things, but never do. I should clean my room, which is cluttered like my life. For some reason I have this theory that if I clean it, my life will seem more organized.
Today I was really angry at Ember, though she doesn't know it. I didn't finish my 40 page Government outline, and when I tried to during 2nd period, Mr. N decided to come over and watch us do our Physics worksheet. This is how his class goes. He checks people off going down the roll, and it happened to be my turn to be checked off. Well, the worksheet took us the rest of class to complete, and I still had two sections unfinished in my outline. I wouldn't finish it, no way.
When I get upset, I talk... a lot. It's a process I have to calm myself down. Now, every single day in first period I listen to Ember go on about her boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend. And I actually pay attention. I'm not just nodding when I think it's appropriate. And every once in a blue moon I expect her to show me the same courtesy. She doesn't even have to listen. I'd be fine with talking to myself!
So I was complaining about not finishing my outline, and what does she say? "Pity me, Pity me, Pity me" like it's some sort of chant and my blood shoots to boiling. The bell has rung by this time, so it's no big deal for me to sprint off to government, leaving her behind me. If I had stayed, I would've said a regret and not known how to fix it later.
That's how I am. I bottle my anger inside and pretend that it's not their because I don't want to deal with the consequences of my temper. I don't like that person I become, a fierce, vindictive, cold dragon.
I just ran across a profile on Facebook that looks like my best friend from elementary school. Should I send her a message? I don't know.
I really must go read Frankenstein now before I have a repeat of today.
scullerymaid at 10:20 p.m.