July 16, 2015
INFP vs INFJ
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, probably too much thinking. Lots of thinking and feeling. I've grown restless. Restless at home, restless at work, restless in my relationship. And whenever I feel restless, I decide to do some research in an effort to understand my sense of restlessness. Which means I do a lot of reading on what it means to be an INFP.
I don't really think my restlessness stems from dissatisfaction in these areas. Of course, there's always room for improvement, and I do struggle financially, but I still consider myself to be a happy person. Content and hopeful for the future. And yet, how can I be content and restless at the same time? These things aren't really harmonious, and these feelings of disharmony have caused me to question my relationship with Brian, which really just makes me feel guilty because I love my relationship with Brian. As I've said many times, he's very caring and sweet. He always holds my hand and doesn't shy away if I want to hold his. He's attractive and funny and I really could see myself staying in this for the long haul. But there are some differences that...make me feel restless.
The snippet below explains it all. I think the issue here, if it even is an issue, is that I'm all feelings and he's not and we haven't struck a balance between the two yet. I don't mind being the emotional one. That seems to be my fate in all my relationships, both romantic and platonic. And yet, for some reason I want more out of Brian. I think it stems from that fact that since I am such a heavy feeler, I connect with people by delving into their soul. I don't want to just know your favorite food, I want to know why it's your favorite food. What memory connects you to that food. What could ruin that food for you. I don't just want to know the surface details, I want to know all the details.
And Brian is hard to read. I don't think I've ever had such trouble reading someone, and it's because he doesn't really share things with me. I share things constantly, all the time, non-stop. I give him little pieces of my soul every chance I get, but I can't feel his soul, which leaves me feeling a little empty and maybe a little dejected. There's no real reason to have these feelings. I see him all the time and I do feel like we're growing closer, more open. But my intimacy radar isn't buzzing as loudly as I would like it to.
However, I think this is an internal problem I have created within myself. Like I said, I love my relationship. So I think the real problem here is a lack of stimulation. That's to say, I need a hobby, one that will ignite my passions that way I'm not projecting this restlessness onto Brian. It is true that I do constantly share stories and feel like I'm not making much ground with him, but we're also still very new and that trust still needs to be built. I also feel like I'm wooing him more than he's wooing me, but these are all trivial things that are really neither here nor there. I'm just being all INFPy. Seriously, one moment I'm so happy and then the next I'm drowning in melancholia. You'd think that I was bipolar. But I'm not. I just have a lot of feelings and no real outlet for them.
INFPs are much attuned to their feelings – the good and bad. Those feelings serve as creative fuel for navigating the world and finding their place in it. INFJs, while emotional (thanks to Fe which causes them wear their emotions openly), lack the depth of emotion that Fi types seem to get caught up in, and they don’t spend such a long time “experiencing” or “wallowing in” their emotions as Fi types can. Fe is focused outwardly, spending a lot of time reading and analyzing the emotional states of others, but it is considerably LESS in touch with its own feelings. Ironically, INFJs can usually read others’ moods extremely well but have a hard time being aware of their own feelings about something. Fe is definitely compassionate, fiery, and emotional at times, but being the auxiliary function, not the dominant function, it takes less precedence in the INFJ versus the INFP.
scullerymaid at 4:59 p.m.