July 29, 2015
No kissing
We had a really good day on Sunday. I can't even properly describe it, that's how good I feel about it. Whenever I think about our time together, I just feel very euphoric and all those questioning feelings I've been having kind of just flutter away. It's not that we even did anything special. We slept in then decided to go see Ant-Man at this swanky little dine-in theater. I suppose we did arrive rather early so we had plenty of time to chat and joke while we waited for our food and for the picture to begin. I actually really liked the movie. Brian's brother had told us is wasn't so great, but I felt like the characters were really relatable and I actually believed the story. That's been a problem for me lately; watching a movie and not being convinced of it's sincerity. But Ant-Man was rather decent.
After the movie, we took a stroll around Old Town, walking out to the peer, watching the ferry embark on it's journey across the river, and exploring the little parks on the water front. It was a hefty little stroll on a hot day, but the breeze from the water helped. I especially enjoyed walking back through the neighborhood to the car and admiring the great Victorian Houses. I don't really fancy settling down in Portsmouth, but you have to admit some of those houses are mighty fine. Great character.
I don't remember exactly how it started, but somewhere between the stroll and our ride home we started a no kissing game. I'm sure it was my doing, some playful reaction to something he said that turned into a real competition. I didn't think he was going to go along with it. I imagined him caving as soon as we got out of those car, but the willpower is strong in that one. He was good, and I will admit it surprised me. For the rest of the day, he resisted my attempts at seduction and teased me just as heavily as I teased him. It was awesome and playful and quite thrilling really. By the end of the night, I was growing quite impatient with him and realized to my horror that I'd have to lose.
I mean, he was fantastic. I didn't really imagine Brian being the seductive type, but boy did he know what he was doing. I really wish I had written about this sooner because I'm beginning to lose the memory and only really have the feeling left to savor. I just remember standing in the kitchen doing dishes when he turned the lights off on me. Then he stalked me through the house, herding me back to the bedroom. There were teasing words as we amended the rules of our game and determined that kissing was defined as being strictly mouth to mouth. Then he showed me just how wonderful kissing can be without ever touching my mouth. I'm telling you, it's that goddamned beard! Needless to say, I did in fact lose the game. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
But it was really nice. I've been a little worried about our bedroom time together because it took him so long to warm up. Even now, there are little moments that make me hesitant, but everything is going to be just fine. If I didn't think so before, Sunday definitely proved it. Do you remember that time TJ traumatized me? When he started to go down there, then rolled off and made a show at spitting me out in the bathroom sink. I remember being so horrified then insisted on tasting myself to make sure there was nothing wonky going on. Well, obviously that was the last of that. And now Brian has rectified that trauma, and it was a much welcomed feature into our bed. What I really enjoy about Brian is that sex between us really is a balance of give and take. It's a nice change from things before. Plus, he gets naked! I really do love his body. He's just so tall and wide and I can straddle him without worrying about whether or not I'm going to suffocate him. I mean, I'm pretty sure his thighs are bigger than mine, you know? It's wonderful!
Another nice thing is we ended up just talking in bed afterwards. That is so so important to me. I don't know why, but I really enjoy just talking in bed. Usually, we talk about silly things that don't really hit home with me, but that night we talked about our relationship and I just really appreciate that. He thinks we understand each other and that things are going pretty well, and I agree. I know I have those moments when I get caught up in my head and start overthinking everything, but I really am quite happy with Brian. I don't know how anyone would've let him go. Lucky for me I guess.
But then came Monday. Monday was not a very good day for us. I had forgotten some stuff at his house so he said I could come back after work to get them. And his vibe was off. I don't know what was on his mind, but he was in a real funk and it really kind of upset the equilibrium between us. I knew something was wrong and didn't know how to comfort him. He doesn't talk out his feelings and really should've been on his own to decompress. But he didn't want to send me home and I didn't want to abandon him. So it was a rather awkward night of us tiptoeing around the issue without really knowing how to address it. He was just restless, which made me restless and it was an odd thing to witness and experience. We're both empathetic, so we were just feeding off those feelings!
But last night we reconciled, though there wasn't anything to reconcile. He called me after he got off work and we were on the phone for 3 1/2 hours. I really like that those calls haven't gotten old and died out yet. Sure, we see each other more often than we used to so the calls aren't really necessary, but we do make them at least once a week and I love it.
So, yeah. That's all on that front for now. I'm very content with things for the moment, which is a relief after feeling so restless myself about things.
scullerymaid at 11:02 a.m.