August 13, 2015

Meteors

I'm very proud of myself. Since my sugar has been testing high (and I do mean HIGH!), I decided I wasn't allowed to eat out at all this week. It's just so convenient to grab some fries on my way home and Sarah definitely encourages me to go on late night snack trips to McDonald's. If she's paying, it's hard to resist. But not this week! I have packed every single breakfast and lunch and have gone home and cooked dinner every night. Though my sugar is still testing high (maybe it's the meter...?), I'm very happy with this progress. I've made better decisions this week and hopefully I'll continue to do so. I've even made it to the gym.

But I am starving. Even though I'm packing good lunches, I feel like my stomach is about to eat itself. Today for example, I packed a beef and broccoli stir fry I made, pickles, and strawberries. I ate this only an hour ago and I would kill for someone to bring me a sandwich. I think I just haven't had enough protein today. I only had a banana and English muffin for breakfast without my usual little sausage patty, and there was most certainly more broccoli in my stir fry than beef. I made a quiche last night for dinner that I meant to bring along for breakfast this morning, but I made it crustless and I haven't decided how I feel about it. Without the crust, it seems a little soggy. Hopefully sitting in the fridge will make it more appetizing later.

I think I'm a little annoyed with Brian. Not really. But I am. Monica invited us to go watch the meteor shower last night, but he didn't want to go after he got off of work. That's fine. I understand, I really do. Much as I like meteors, I didn't much feel like going either. And yet I was a little irked at him. I think it's more so because I haven't seen him at all this week. It shouldn't be a big deal because what is four days? I think I'm just jealous. I'm making too many comparisons to Sarah's new relationship. She spends every night with her boyfriend. She doesn't even ask to go over there, it's a thing without question that when he gets home, she's going over there to sleep. For me, it's always a question on whether or not Brian is going to invite me over. More often than not, he doesn't. I just happen to be in the area, perhaps hanging out with Monica, so it just makes sense for me to go over afterwards. I'm not saying I'd want to stay over there every night anyway. I like my place. I like being able to cook or clean or read or watch my shows. But I hate that it's a question lingering in my head every night. Is he going to invite me over this time? I just don't want to limit our time together to the weekend. Of course, going over during the week means that I either go to bed really late or fall asleep while we're doing whatever it is we've decided to do, but still...

I'm complaining about nothing, I know. It's just I wonder what it would be like to date someone that just wants to spend time with me all the time. Like a best friend. Isn't that something that's supposed to happen? You become best friends with your SO? Well, I'll have you know before my SO moved away I used to spend almost every waking moment with him. Maybe that's a ridiculous thing to do. Maybe it's different because we went to high school together then to college together then worked together and lived together. Maybe that's just not the norm. Except Sarah's boyfriend wants her with him all the time, no questions asked. There are many people I know whose houses I would show up to unannounced. I would never just show up at Brian's. Why is that?

What am I even saying? Like I said, I', complaining about nothing. I seriously have nothing to complain about. Though his texting etiquette also bothers me. I keep trying to convince myself that relationships worked out just fine before the age of texting and that we don't have to be in constant communication. I don't even like texting all that much. And yet, I get really annoyed when I don't hear from him. It irks me when we're having a conversation, then he just decides to stop responding. He's at home all day. There's no reason not to respond. I know I sound silly and these are just really petty things. I guess I'm just kinda moody today. We'll blame the hunger...

scullerymaid at 12:57 p.m.

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