June 25, 2015
Goodbye pre-molar
Yesterday, I let the dentist extract my extra pre-molar. Did you know I had one of those? Well, I did. It's never bothered me too much. It was just an extra tooth sitting on the inside of the roof of my mouth. In fact, whenever I've gone to the dentist in the past they thought it was really cool and didn't see any real need to remove it. Until now, that is. Sometimes food gets caught up there. I like to think of it as a sort of Bermuda triangle; there's this little space between the premolar and two of my other teeth. It's a bitch to keep clean, but I managed for the most part. But I remember last year something got caught up there and my upper left gum hurt for a week. I didn't know what was going on, and didn't have the money to go to the dentist. Then one day the tiniest particle of beef fell out of it. Gross! That little piece of meet had been stuck of there for a couple weeks! No wonder my mouth hurt so fiercely! Then things went back to normal until...a month ago? I knew something had gotten caught up there. I could feel it, but couldn't find it. Only this time, the pain in my gum was really sharp and almost unbearable. So I broke down and went to the dentist. And she decided it needed to go.
So that's what I did yesterday. Went to work for a half day, then went over to the dentist. I'm really not sure what I was expecting. A razor blade to cut it out. Forceps to pull it out. The instrument she pulled out was this little spoon looking thing. So with extraction, they literally spoon the tooth out of your head. Up until yesterday, I had been excited about the whole process; you're awake for the whole thing and I figured it would be a neat experience. But I admit I was a little nervous when I plopped down into that chair. But it was fine. My tooth was a little stubborn. She dug around in there with her little spoon for a whole hour before she finally decided to cut it out. I had hoped to keep my tooth, but she was at least able to salvage a couple good sized pieces. She had to leave the root tip in because it was too close to my other roots and sinus. That's fine. It's not like food can get stuck in there anymore. Then she plugged the whole with this foam/collagen stuff. And stitched it up. My first set of stitches and I didn't feel a thing she shot me up with so much numbing stuff. And the whole was so deep before she plugged it. I was wondering how that would heal up.
She gave me percocet for the pain and I've decided it isn't worth shit. I took it as soon as I got home and was still in pain and hour and a half later. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance, but as soon as the numbing stuff wore off, I was down for the count. So I took some more. Then four hours later I took another one because I was in pain. Bad idea. Apparently, you're only supposed to take one ever 8 hours and I had three in a 5 hour period. Needless to say, it upset my stomach and I got sick. Poor Brian, he showed up after work just as soon as I was rushing up the stairs to empty my stomach.
But he was really sweet. He brought me various soft foods because I can't eat any solid food for at least 24 hours, and bless him he brought me some ibuprofen. Miracle drug! I haven't so much as looked at the percocet since. My mouth feels a little strange right now. I an feel the open wound and the plug and the stitches, but overall it's been a relatively pleasant experience. I didn't really bleed, the pain is manageable now, and I get to eat a lot of ice cream. And now I'll be able to give a decent blowjob without worrying about that extra tooth getting in the way. Just saying.
But I can't wait to eat some real food. As good as this ice cream is, I just want some chicken. Or even some ramen. Something substantial.
As I've mentioned, last weekend Brian and I celebrated our two months. Now that seems wild. I'd like to say it feels like we just started dating yesterday, but really it seems like ages ago. Which is strange because I don't feel like I know him that well yet. We haven't quite hit that sense of intimacy for me to feel that close to him, but it's coming along. I think it has to do with the fact that I share so many stories with him and he isn't quite so forthcoming. But in all honesty, he doesn't have the same kind of stories to share as I do. We have different life experiences. But I'm very content with our relationship. I still enjoy the fact that he seems to like spending time with me, that he still holds my hand and kisses me. And it upsets him a little if I'm not sitting right next to him. I love it. AND, we consummated our relationship three times over the weekend without a single hiccough. Finally. It really eased my mind a little. Not that our relationship is based off of sex, which I really appreciate, but it's still a very important aspect and after what he's told me about his feelings toward sex, I was afraid that his feelings for me weren't growing. But I guess they are. I think we're both a little preserved to really just come out and confess our feelings, but I'd say we're doing pretty well if he was able to...release himself.
I've been thinking about love a lot lately. I know without doubt that I'm going to love Brian. I've been holding back because I don't want to repeat old mistakes of loving someone so deeply without them loving me back, but it's going to happen. Brian is the kind of person you want to love, the kind of person that's easy to love. Lucky me that someone decided to give him up. It's really amazing the kind of concern he has for me. Like last night he came over and played nurse maid. Making sure I was drinking my fluids. Making sure I wasn't eating things I wasn't supposed to. Making sure I wasn't in pain. He thought he was being annoying, but it really is so nice to have someone that seems to care so much. I hope he's sincere. I think I trust that he is.
TJ is a completely different story. Now that we've been apart for so long, he's convinced that he has feelings for me. Of course he does. He always has just never wanted to do anything with them. Anyone could have told you that. Why else would he come back time and time again. That's more than loneliness, my friends. I'm sure loneliness plays it's part, but it's more than that. He did acknowledge for once what an asshole he's always been. That I always took care of him and he just brushed me off. Clearly, he's has a lot of time to himself to do all this thinking. It's a strange thing to witness, that sense of helplessness he feels in all of this, in knowing that he had something great for all those years, took it for granted, and now has lost it. It pains me to see. But it is what is it and he did it to himself. Plus, we all know what would happen. If I accepted him back, we'd live temporarily in bliss until he would get antsy again. Then he'd want to break up. Like he always does. At least, he realizes this, too. He'd be happy as long as we didn't see each other and that's not a relationship to me.
This just makes me all the more happy that I found Brian. If it weren't for Brian's kindness and affection, I might find myself trapped in that endless cycle with TJ forever. And I don't look at him as a rebound. He's so much more than that.
scullerymaid at 12:52 p.m.