December 01, 2012
Waffles
Finally, a low key Friday night. There was no drama. No indiscretions. Just a few people over taking shots and drinking beer in the garage. I wish every weekend was like that. And Brett brought Jackie with him. I guess they worked things out and got back together. That's good. I like Jackie.
I also excited because today we are putting up our Christmas tree. You know, if someone ever decided to get out of bed. I don't know how much he had to drink last night, but he's sure hurting for it right now. Here's why I don't drink beer very often. But he was very sweet and tender with me last night. As much as I love it, those are the worst moments because...it's over. Let's not dwell on that.
I do want to talk about Zach for a minute. I have mixed feelings about Zach. Not mixed feelings as in I still care for him, but mixed feelings on if I want to get involved with him once I move. He feeds me this story about how he wants to be together yada yada yada, but he only calls me or texts me when he's drunk. Yeah, not feeling that right now. Plus, I don't want to say the other night was awkward, but we are both quiet listeners rather than big talkers so conversation didn't go as smoothly as it could have. Of course, I'm sure there's lots of reasons for that. We haven't seen each other face to face for almost two years. I've been in a serious relationship for most of that time and still live with TJ. It was interesting to sit in that bar and think this person used to touch me. This person was my first everything. Anyway, one thing that irked me is he gave me crap for still having a physical relationship with TJ. It wasn't a jealous thing, he just thinks that means I'm giving TJ all the power.
I am so sick and tired of people giving me shit for sleeping with TJ. First of all, none of them are here inside this house. If we want to base sex off our problems, then we shoudl've stopped having sex months ago. But we are here together. If neither of us don't mind continuing our sexual relationship and we have an understanding, then why the fuck is it anyone else's business. Secondly, how come whenever sex is involved the guy is assumed to have the power? You know, I am far more sexual than TJ. So how is it that I'm giving him power when I'm the one that wants to have sex? I just don't understand. I believe I'm the one with the in charge right now. Ever since we broke up, 4 times out of 5 I'm the one that initiates things now when I rarely did that when we were "together." Back then, I did let him have the reins. But not anymore.
So please explain to me how he has all the power? I think people assume this because I'm the one that has all the lovey dovey feelings. But you know what? As strange as it sounds, having that physical relationship helps me remove myself emotionally. Whatever. I'll sleep with whoever I like and no one can do a damn thing about it. Sexist bullshit is what I call this whole argument
scullerymaid at 11:23 a.m.